Giddy-on-up, horsie!

So, I was riding the weight-loss horse really well.

Something unexpected happened - I can't even remember what it was. The horse got spooked, and I got bucked off.

Not only did my tail end get bruised, but once I was down, I stayed down.

Story of my life.

I'm so mad at myself, because I was doing so well! I was on a roll! I was showing stick-to-it-ive-ness! I was making a healthy lifestyle into a *gasp!* habit!

And then in a moment, it was over.

I know, I could have gotten right back on that horse. But, it was like I was trekking through the Swamp of Sadness in The Neverending Story. You don't just fall in that muck and then get back up. Plus, my horse was in danger of getting sucked into the swamp as well.

So now that I've had a few weeks to wander through this swamp, get good and dirty, and pretty much feel crappy about myself, I'm ready to do what needs to be done to get back on the horse. I'm not sure why today is different than the day before, when I wasn't ready. Maybe it's that today I'm making a choice to be proactive. I will happen today, instead of just letting today happen.

So, I am choosing to get on the horse.
I'm choosing to climb out of the muck
I am choosing to happen.
Today.

How about you?


Image Attribution: By Thomas Reich (Auftragsarbeit) [CC-BY-SA-2.5 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.5)], via Wikimedia Commons

In It For the Long Haul

Today I had an epiphany of sorts. I was feeling frustrated. I lost weight this week. 1.2 pounds bit the dust, and I'm thankful that they are no longer part of me. I wasn't frustrated that this is the smallest weight loss I've had in the past 10 weeks - though it is. I can be okay with that. After all, I can't keep up the three and four pound weeks forever.

No, my frustration is in how long it takes to get rid of extra weight. I've lost 20 pounds in the past 10 weeks, and I'm happy with that. I've been working hard, and it's coming off nicely. I'm frustrated that I could easily gain 40 pounds or more in 10 weeks. It sucks that it's easier to put on than to take off.

So unfair.

But, even though I'm frustrated with how long it takes to change, my epiphany was this:

Time is going to continue to move on whether I lose weight or not.
Next year is going to come.
October 2015 will be here regardless of my weight loss efforts.
There is nothing I can do to slow down, or speed up time.

The only thing I can control is what I put in my mouth, the decisions I make, the commitments I keep.

And then next year, If I stay on track, losing little by little, I'll reap the rewards of my hard work. Twenty pounds will turn into fifty. Fifty will turn into a hundred. Just keep taking one step at a time. Little by little. And stay on track.

That's my pep talk for today.

Saturday Update

I've been a dedicated little Weight Watcher-er this week, lemme tell ya.

Wednesday evening my walking buddy, Audra, and I decided to brave a break in the rain and tried to get in our walking that night.

We took all of three steps and the skies broke open with a deluge of rain. This was no gentle misting of rain - oh no - it was an absolute downpour.

Undaunted, we headed on, thinking it would surely pass in just a few minutes.

Not so.

We had to shelter underneath a pavilion, however, it soon became evident that the storm was not going to let up, and so we continued walking.

By the time we finished one mile, we were completely soaked. Wet, and cold, we decided to forego mile number 2, and went home.

We came back the next night, though, and walked 2 more miles.

Wow, what dedication!!
Excuse me while I pat my own back for a minute.

But, because of our extreme dedication, and spending another week of tracking my eating faithfully, let to....

Wait for it.....

Wait....

2.7 pounds gone this week!!

Woo hoo! I made it to my 5% goal, and have now gotten rid of 19 pounds in the last 9 weeks.

Check out that graph!!

I just want to make the point that I haven't "lost" those pounds.

I've gotten rid of them.

I know exactly where those 19 pounds went. They're hanging around the track at the park where I walk 3 days a week. They're sitting on the shelves of the grocery store as I walk past unhealthy choices, and make my way to the produce section. They're at the back of the parking lot where I park my car, so that I have to walk a half mile just to get to the front door (well, it feels like it anyway). They're sitting next to my iPad, where I log what I've eaten and how much every day. And they're on the floor of the kitchen, hanging out where I've said "no" to myself over and over again, going to bed early instead of giving in.

I know where those pounds have gone. They're not "lost" at all.

I've gotten rid of every single one of them through hard work and determination.

Non-Scale-Victory!

Today was weigh-in day for me, however, due to....issues....I decided not to weigh in. Women issues. Monthly issues. Let's just leave it at that, shall we.

Nobody wants to weigh in when they're bloated and b*tchy.

Not even me.

So, I took a week off the scale. That doesn't mean I took a week off of staying on track. I'll admit, I struggled with tracking every single day. We lost our internet connection at home for several days, and I usually don't have the foresight to track my food at work, so I got home several days in a row and wasn't able to look up the Weight Watchers points on some foods. But, I still tracked mentally, and stayed within my points.

I just needed a meeting without weighing in today, and that's okay.

So, I didn't get the self-congratulatory confirmation of seeing the numbers go down on the scale, but I did get another affirmation that I'm on the right track.

A non-scale victory, my friends, or an NSV, for short.

Yesterday was jeans day at work, and I wore a pair that I bought just this past July, when I was at my highest weight. Yesterday, I was worried that someone would pull on them, and they'd fall off. This morning, I showed my husband how loose they are on me. I still had on my sweat pants from my morning walk, and I could pull them on over my sweats, without unbuttoning them, and could still pull out several inches of extra material. 

I think they are going to be shelved from now on. 

So, that was my first NSV. I have lost so much weight, that my newest pair of jeans are no longer wearable. 

The second NSV happened when I searched for something to wear today. I bought those pair of jeans because all of my other jeans were too small for me, and I needed something for "Friday Jeans Day" at work. I looked through my closet, and pulled out a pair of jeans I bought almost exactly a year ago, and could only fit in for a few weeks. I pulled them on, and a zip and a snap later, they fit!

I love shopping in my closet!

I'm really looking forward to the weeks to come, as I continue to lose weight. This summer, I inherited a big box of clothes from one of my besties who recently lost a lot of weight, and though the clothes were a couple sizes too small for me at the time, I was hoping to get back down to that size so I could wear them.

Now, I'm doing more than hoping. I'm actually doing something about it. I'm going to give myself a few more pounds to lose, and then I'm going to go through the box and see what fits. I'm excited and looking forward to that time. 

It's time for me to plan for the week ahead. What am I going to continue to do to be successful, and what did I do last week that I need to change?

My goal is to be down to the official 15 lb. mark, according to Weight Watchers records, and thus, reach my 5% goal. I was almost there last week, so this week, I'm determined to continue tracking my food, exercising with my walking buddy, and being mindful of what I put in my body. 

I can do this! 

You can too, you know. 

Another Pound Bites the Dust!

Actually, 3.4 pounds bit the dust this week. Woo hoo! Weight Watchers says I've only lost 13.4 pounds since my start weight, but I'm counting from my "get-your-sh*t-together-and-get-this-done" moment after we visited with Lily's nutritionist about her too high BMI.

So, counting from then, when I weighed 295 pounds, I've lost 16.4 pounds. Here, you can see the handy-dandy line plot that Weight Watchers provides on their website for me each week. I love seeing the trend line pointed down at a sharp curve. Makes me feel good about what I've been doing, and encouraged to keep it up.

That bump in the road is from a few weeks ago when I dislocated my shoulder. If you read that post, you'll know why that is also known as when I didn't poop for a week. No wonder I gained a few pounds that week. But, I got right back on track with the weight losing wagon.

Now, I'm down to 278.6. I have less then 2 pounds to go to get to my 15 pound mark (for my official Weight Watchers award...which is a sticker, actually - stickers motivate me for some silly reason) AND to meet my 5% goal. I get a fancy doodad for my keychain when I meet that goal. Woo hoo!

So, here's to another week of planning, being prepared, tracking my food, saying no to trigger foods, being mindful of every bite, tracking my food, exercising with my buddy, drinking my water, tracking my food, believing in myself, and tracking my food. Do you see a pattern here?

Anyone wanna lose a couple pounds with me this week? What are you going to do to be successful this week, too?

Weigh In Saturday

Last week, I was in too much pain to type, so I was sadly unable to post an update on my weight loss journey. I had dislocated my shoulder, and was unable to type very quickly, not to mention that I was in a drug-induced stupor for most of my time.

So, last Saturday, I had a gain. 2.6 lbs. I was a little upset about it. I had been careful all week long. With my injury, I had to stay home, and I was very careful not to let myself get the munchies and go crazy. I don't do well when I'm not in my regular routine. But, I think the pain killers probably had something to do with my gain, as well as something...else.

I'm a lefty, and I was very fortunate that it my right shoulder that was dislocated, so I could still write and eat without a problem. However, I'm fairly ambidextrous, and I use my right hand to do all sorts of things, like cut with scissors, throw a ball, use a computer mouse, bowl, hit a ball with a bat, and oh yes, wipe my butt.

So, perhaps it was all psychological, or maybe it was also a bit of the drugs causing my plumbing to get backed up, but things were not moving as well as they should have. In other words, I didn't poop for nearly a week after my shoulder episode. I imagine that probably had a lot to do with my weight gain as well.

Aren't you so glad you read this blog?

A few days later, my shoulder magically popped itself back into place, and now all seems to be well with the world. Plus, I stayed on track and lost 4 pounds in one week!

Woo hoo!

Since I rejoined Weight Watchers in April, I've now lost 10 pounds. However, I was not terribly motivated all summer long, and my weight kept bouncing up and down over the same 5 pounds. It wasn't until six weeks ago, when we went to see my daughter's nutritionist about her increasing BMI that I really got serious and started trying to stick to the plan. I had gained more than my starting weight in April, and so I count that as my true beginning, because that's when I started caring and trying. So, in the last 6 weeks, I've lost 13 pounds, and have only gained once - the week that I was hurt.

I'm feeling super proud of myself for staying on track, writing down my food nearly every day, and eating within my WW points. Somedays have been a real struggle. A parent brought in plates of donuts the other day - a day full of meetings at school. It was hard to resist, but I kept my WHY in mind the whole time. My kids. My reason for trying so hard.

At the Weight Watchers meeting this morning, my 10 pound loss was celebrated, and the leader asked what I'd changed, and how I was able to have such a great week. I couldn't help tearing up as I told the group that I had finally found my WHY, the reason that I'm not allowed to quit, or get lazy, or not try my hardest. I confessed how guilty I felt when I found out that my daughter's BMI was too high, and how I could see myself in her as an overweight seven-year-old. There's no way I'm going to be as blase as my parents were about it.

Although we're not putting her on a diet, we're just trying to increase veggies, decrease carbs, and eliminate junk, we've been surprised to see that she's lost 5 pounds herself over the last six weeks. She hasn't always liked the changes, especially if half of her plate is covered with veggies that she's not crazy about, but she's done really well.

Here's to continued success. Hopefully the next six weeks will end up with another 10 pound loss to celebrate.

The Words We Say to Ourselves

This morning, at my Weight Watchers meeting, the topic was centered on the words we say to ourselves. The leader asked us to write down the internal dialogue we have with ourselves when we're feeling stuck or discouraged. These were some of the responses that were shared:

I'll never be able to do this.

I'm not good enough.

I'll fail at this too.

I didn't lose enough this week.

Will I ever get this right?

I'm a failure.

I might as well give up.

It's validating to know I'm not the only one who thinks these things. I'm not the only one who has a discouraging inner dialogue going on in my head. We're in this together, and everyone feels discouraged at times.

The thing is, we'd never say these words to someone else. I would never say them to a friend, or even a stranger. And I wouldn't accept it if someone else said those words to me. So why do I allow myself to say them to me?

I think these types of words give me an excuse to not try anymore. When I say these words I want to give myself an out.  All of those phrases are followed by the words, "so why bother trying" when I say them in my head.

After that, we wrote on another piece of paper the words that we would actually say if a friend was stuck and was feeling discouraged.

I wrote these words:

You have strength and resilience that you have not yet begun to tap. Believe in yourself as much as I do. You can do this.

I need to internalize those words and make them part of my daily self-talk, so that when I feel discouraged I can get busy with the work of lifting myself up, instead of putting myself down.

What words are you going to say to yourself today?