I suffer from an odd sort of dichotomy.
On one hand, I have what I call I-can-do-that-itus, where I see something someone has done and think "I can do that!" (hence the name of this very serious, and sometimes debilitating, illness).
Maybe it's something crafty, like making cards and scrapbooks.
Or baking, like making gourmet sugar cookies.
Or like right now, where it's writing a novel.
I figure if other people have done it, then I must be able to do it, too. Can't be all that hard, right?
This condition, I-can-do-that-itus, has allowed me to experience things other people haven't, and probably wouldn't even try.
Learn a new language? I can do that!
Live in a foreign country for a few years? I can do that!
Start a couple part-time businesses in my ever-shrinking spare time? I can do that!
Get up early everyday to write a novel? I can do that!
Sometimes it seems like there's no limit to what I will at least attempt to do.
Lose weight and become the healthy and thin person I want to be? I can....do that?
It's funny how I can be so confident on one hand, but be so insecure on the other.
And it's not just with losing weight. There are certain things about being the fat girl that constantly keep me feeling limited in what I think I can do.
For example...
I never wear sleeveless shirts outside of the house, because I feel embarrassed about how my upper arms look.
I would never EVER wear a tucked in shirt. Or even a shortish shirt. All shirts must cover the belly rolls.
Horizontal stripes are of the devil, and I would never think of wearing them.
So, too, are swimsuits without a little skirt to hide my thigh fat.
Even some colors, patterns, and clothing styles are off limits because I'm afraid they'll draw too much attention to myself. (Koichi noticed this right away when we got married. He asked why my wardrobe was so "dark" and consisted mostly of shades of black and dark blue. I've gotten a little looser about this over the past 9 years, but not all that much.)
How odd. It seems like I'm saying, "Hey guys, look at me!" and then following up with "But don't look too hard, because I'm afraid of what you'll see." Weird.
All of this came to mind today while I was at the pool with Lily. While she was jumping around and diving in the water, I was mesmerized with a little people watching. Not only do I put limits on myself, but I guess I put limits on what I consider "acceptable" from other people as well.
I noticed I was thinking things like Wow, that swimsuit is super cute! on someone who was skinny, but then thinking Girl, that is way too much skin and too little fabric! on someone who wasn't so thin. I started to feel judgy judgy after awhile, and realized that I was forcing my limits, my ideas on what was acceptable and not, on people I didn't even know.
So I stopped.
I told myself to stop being so judgy, and to stop limiting people to my ideals, because really, who am I to judge anyone.
Now, I see that I have some work cut out for me, trying to stop judging and limiting myself.
I hope as I continue to lose weight and be more healthy, I'll start to really believe in myself, and not limit myself so much.
However, I must say that bikinis really should not be available in a size 18.
Oh, bad Dorian! Stop that!!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Saturday, June 23, 2012
I'm a Loser, Baby!
I don't know that Beck was relating his song, Loser, to weight loss, but I sure do!
For three weeks now, I've lost weight on Weight Watchers, for a total of 13.4 lbs gone. Woo hoo! Just .6 lbs left to make it to my first 5%, which is my first mid-term goal. So far I have met my weekly goal every week, of losing .5 - 2 lbs. Yea for me! And my first and second 5 lbs. came off in the first two weeks. It feels awesome to have such a good start. But, now here comes the hard part.
Even though I lost 1.6 lbs this week, I know it won't come off that fast every week. I have to get ready for the "slow and steady" part. I think the main part of that, is the steady. That's where I've struggled in the past. Sometimes things get so slow, that I forget to stay steady. But, I know that's how it's supposed to work, so I'm just going to have to learn to be okay with it.
One of the most awesome parts of losing weight is getting into smaller-sized clothes. It also happens to be one of the most awesome parts of post-pregnancy life. By one week after giving birth, I was ready to be out of maternity pants. I was grateful to have them while I was pregnant, but I just wanted to be in some "regular clothes." I didn't have any pregnancy shorts, and the weather was starting to get pretty warm. So, I went to the local thrift store and for $4, got two pairs of jeans shorts.
It was a bittersweet moment for me.
I was glad to finally have some shorts.
I was not so glad to have to buy a size 28.
I've never in my life been that size (not counting pregnancy of course, because things like size don't count when you're pregnant, evidently).
Thankfully, I no longer need to wear these shorts, and have finally gone down to size 24, which, unfortunately, I've been many times in my life. So I now have plenty of clothes to wear, and have been able to put my maternity clothes away within a month of having given birth.
I can't help but feel a little proud of myself. After having the first muchkin, it took several months to get out of maternity clothing, and years to start losing weight. This time, I've taken action much quicker and am seeing results so much more quickly. Go, me!
So the next big goal is to fit into clothes I was in pre-pregnancy: size 20. Now that I have less than 20 lbs to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, I'll hopefully be in those clothes soon, as well!
“Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” ~Emilie Coue
For three weeks now, I've lost weight on Weight Watchers, for a total of 13.4 lbs gone. Woo hoo! Just .6 lbs left to make it to my first 5%, which is my first mid-term goal. So far I have met my weekly goal every week, of losing .5 - 2 lbs. Yea for me! And my first and second 5 lbs. came off in the first two weeks. It feels awesome to have such a good start. But, now here comes the hard part.
Even though I lost 1.6 lbs this week, I know it won't come off that fast every week. I have to get ready for the "slow and steady" part. I think the main part of that, is the steady. That's where I've struggled in the past. Sometimes things get so slow, that I forget to stay steady. But, I know that's how it's supposed to work, so I'm just going to have to learn to be okay with it.
One of the most awesome parts of losing weight is getting into smaller-sized clothes. It also happens to be one of the most awesome parts of post-pregnancy life. By one week after giving birth, I was ready to be out of maternity pants. I was grateful to have them while I was pregnant, but I just wanted to be in some "regular clothes." I didn't have any pregnancy shorts, and the weather was starting to get pretty warm. So, I went to the local thrift store and for $4, got two pairs of jeans shorts.
It was a bittersweet moment for me.
I was glad to finally have some shorts.
I was not so glad to have to buy a size 28.
I've never in my life been that size (not counting pregnancy of course, because things like size don't count when you're pregnant, evidently).
Thankfully, I no longer need to wear these shorts, and have finally gone down to size 24, which, unfortunately, I've been many times in my life. So I now have plenty of clothes to wear, and have been able to put my maternity clothes away within a month of having given birth.
I can't help but feel a little proud of myself. After having the first muchkin, it took several months to get out of maternity clothing, and years to start losing weight. This time, I've taken action much quicker and am seeing results so much more quickly. Go, me!
So the next big goal is to fit into clothes I was in pre-pregnancy: size 20. Now that I have less than 20 lbs to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight, I'll hopefully be in those clothes soon, as well!
“Every day, in every way, I am getting better and better.” ~Emilie Coue
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
The L-Word
So, I'm not sure what "The L-Word" means to you. You can decide that for yourself.
For me, the L-Word is LAZY.
I've been struggling with LAZY my whole life.
And even now, when I'm probably more active than I've ever been my entire life, I still struggle with laziness.
I have been thinking about some of the underlying reasons for my addiction to food.
I know that I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm angry, frustrated, depressed, happy, and bored.
I also know that I use food as a reward. If I feel I've been deprived of something, or have sacrificed something, I'll turn to food.
But recently, I've been thinking that maybe, most of the time, it's that I'm just lazy.
It's too much work to count calories or WW points.
It takes too much time to cut up veggies to have on hand for snacks.
It's too hard to make healthy meals for myself.
I'm so hungry, I need to eat something now, and I don't have time to wait until I get home to make something healthy, so I'll just drive thru and get some fat-laden crap of convenience.
All of these excuses are ones that I've used over and over, but they all point to how incredibly lazy I am.
I don't want to be lazy though.
I want to be the opposite of lazy.
Un-lazy?
What exactly is the opposite of lazy?
I can come up with some antonyms of lazy on my own, like "hard-working," but I decided to whip out my thesaurus. (And by whip out I mean, copy, right click, and pull up my electronic thesaurus and dictionary. I *heart* technology!)
So, these are some antonyms of "lazy," according to my iMac's thesaurus:
diligent
assiduous (I like how that sounds!)
sedulous (I had to look that one up, I'll admit it.)
persevering
indefatigable (Reminds me of watching Horatio Hornblower with my brother and sister-in-law. Completely worth it due to the copious amounts of eye candy. Thank you Ioan Gruffudd for being so stinking hot.)
vigorous
determined
zealous
I want to be those things. Who wouldn't want to be persevering, zealous, or even sedulous? Not that I expect anyone to say, "Wow. If anyone I know is sedulous, it's gotta be Dorian." It would be nice, but I don't expect it.
So, my goal it to be less lazy, and more sedulous.
I don't know that I can get enough of that word!
I know I'm not going to look back on my life and think:
If only I ate more crap!
But, I could end up thinking, If only I ate less and exercised a little bit more.
Just like I won't look back and think:
I wish I had read more books!
But I might think, If only I had finished writing that book and got it published.
And also I won't be thinking:
Gee, I wish I posted more status updates about my kids on Facebook.
Though if I'm not careful I might think, If only I'd spent more time playing/reading/exercising with my kids, rather than being on the Internet.
I don't want to look back at my life and have any more regrets than I already have right now, and I have plenty. I seem to have this idea that I'm going to live to be 100, and have all the time in the world to get all the things done that I want to accomplish, but the truth of that matter is that I have less time than I think, so I better just get to it. I need to start becoming the person I want to be, and become that person starting right now.
So, the person I want to be is zealous about being healthy.
She is diligent in spending quality time with her children, rather than giving her quality time to a computer.
She is determined to write - and publish! - a novel, or two, or ten.
She is indefatigable, assiduous, and yes, even sedulous, when it comes to living her life to the fullest.
So no more lazy excuses about how I became the way that I am.
Instead, I am going to do what I need to do, to become the person I have always wanted to be.
For me, the L-Word is LAZY.
I've been struggling with LAZY my whole life.
And even now, when I'm probably more active than I've ever been my entire life, I still struggle with laziness.
I have been thinking about some of the underlying reasons for my addiction to food.
I know that I'm an emotional eater. I eat when I'm angry, frustrated, depressed, happy, and bored.
I also know that I use food as a reward. If I feel I've been deprived of something, or have sacrificed something, I'll turn to food.
But recently, I've been thinking that maybe, most of the time, it's that I'm just lazy.
It's too much work to count calories or WW points.
It takes too much time to cut up veggies to have on hand for snacks.
It's too hard to make healthy meals for myself.
I'm so hungry, I need to eat something now, and I don't have time to wait until I get home to make something healthy, so I'll just drive thru and get some fat-laden crap of convenience.
All of these excuses are ones that I've used over and over, but they all point to how incredibly lazy I am.
I don't want to be lazy though.
I want to be the opposite of lazy.
Un-lazy?
What exactly is the opposite of lazy?
I can come up with some antonyms of lazy on my own, like "hard-working," but I decided to whip out my thesaurus. (And by whip out I mean, copy, right click, and pull up my electronic thesaurus and dictionary. I *heart* technology!)
So, these are some antonyms of "lazy," according to my iMac's thesaurus:
diligent
assiduous (I like how that sounds!)
sedulous (I had to look that one up, I'll admit it.)
persevering
indefatigable (Reminds me of watching Horatio Hornblower with my brother and sister-in-law. Completely worth it due to the copious amounts of eye candy. Thank you Ioan Gruffudd for being so stinking hot.)
vigorous
determined
zealous
I want to be those things. Who wouldn't want to be persevering, zealous, or even sedulous? Not that I expect anyone to say, "Wow. If anyone I know is sedulous, it's gotta be Dorian." It would be nice, but I don't expect it.
So, my goal it to be less lazy, and more sedulous.
I don't know that I can get enough of that word!
I know I'm not going to look back on my life and think:
If only I ate more crap!
But, I could end up thinking, If only I ate less and exercised a little bit more.
Just like I won't look back and think:
I wish I had read more books!
But I might think, If only I had finished writing that book and got it published.
And also I won't be thinking:
Gee, I wish I posted more status updates about my kids on Facebook.
Though if I'm not careful I might think, If only I'd spent more time playing/reading/exercising with my kids, rather than being on the Internet.
I don't want to look back at my life and have any more regrets than I already have right now, and I have plenty. I seem to have this idea that I'm going to live to be 100, and have all the time in the world to get all the things done that I want to accomplish, but the truth of that matter is that I have less time than I think, so I better just get to it. I need to start becoming the person I want to be, and become that person starting right now.
So, the person I want to be is zealous about being healthy.
She is diligent in spending quality time with her children, rather than giving her quality time to a computer.
She is determined to write - and publish! - a novel, or two, or ten.
She is indefatigable, assiduous, and yes, even sedulous, when it comes to living her life to the fullest.
So no more lazy excuses about how I became the way that I am.
Instead, I am going to do what I need to do, to become the person I have always wanted to be.
Friday, June 15, 2012
Malling
I've totally been mallin', yo.
For those of you not down with my hip lingo, mallin' is simply going to the mall. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Impressive, I know.
I'm a fairly seasoned maller. I've been malling since my junior high days when one of my parents would cart me and a few of my friends down to the mall in the minivan, drop us off, and come back 5 hours later after we'd seen a movie, had a few slices of pizza, and cruised around the mall looking for hot guys to alternately stare at and then ignore, too shy and intimidated to actually say something as profound as "Hello."
Malling has changed for me throughout the years. Where I once longed to spend hours and hours at the mall, I now dread it. The thought of walking endlessly around a loud, crowded mall where random strangers are trying to either sell you gaudy cell phone covers or organic, mineral-based makeup, well, the thought of that makes me stay at home most of the time and shop online.
However, I've found a place where I can go malling without the risk of having a single salesperson try to hook me in the "Can I ask you a quick questions, ma'am?" pitch. No little kiosks full of tchotchkes, or salesmen peddling their wares. No crowds. No kids. No teenagers. In fact, the mall is all but deserted. I can count on one hand the number of stores still open in this mall.
For those of you who live in Kansas City, and know where I live, you can probably guess that I'm talking about Metro North Mall. For those of you who aren't familiar with this particular place, let me elaborate.
Metro North was once a vibrant, bustling metropolis of consumerism, as most malls are. It housed a movie theater, yummy pizza, a video arcade, typical mall stores, and of course, big department stores. As a teenager, I spent nearly every weekend at the mall with my friends. However, by the time I was in college, the mall had sadly deteriorated, and many stores were closing. It was like a domino effect, and now, when I walk through the mall, I count only 5-6 shops still open for business, and only 1 department store. It's pretty sad. But, it's also somewhat amazing that those few stores are even there.
So, why in the world would I spend my time there, you ask?
Because no one is there,
to get in my way,
while I am....
WALKING!
Yes, I am officially a mall walker. Though it's a dead, or at least, nearly deceased, mall, I'm still considering myself a mall walker. Actually, I see a lot more walkers there than shoppers. It's quite the popular walking spot, especially with the over 60 crowd.
I found myself looking for a place to exercise last week when my husband came home and took over daughter duty so I could go out and earn some activity points. It was hot outside. And humid. And I really didn't relish the thought of coming home a nasty, dripping, sweaty mess, so I tried to think of alternate places where I could walk. The mall was my answer. It's climate-controlled interior beckoned to me, and I fell prey to it's siren song.
I may look goofy as I speed walk through the mall, but at least I'm comfortable, relatively safe, and out of the heat and humidity for awhile.
And while I'm at it, I'm going to share a link to a presentation given my a doctor about what single remedy you can implement into your life to make it so much fuller, richer, and satisfying. It was a pretty impressive talk, as I think you'll agree. The presentation is called 23 1/2 hours.
Tomorrow is Super Saturday weigh in day, or whatever it was that I decided to call it. We'll see if all this malling will prove more healthy for my weight loss now that Orange Julius has long bit the dust.
For those of you not down with my hip lingo, mallin' is simply going to the mall. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Impressive, I know.
I'm a fairly seasoned maller. I've been malling since my junior high days when one of my parents would cart me and a few of my friends down to the mall in the minivan, drop us off, and come back 5 hours later after we'd seen a movie, had a few slices of pizza, and cruised around the mall looking for hot guys to alternately stare at and then ignore, too shy and intimidated to actually say something as profound as "Hello."
Malling has changed for me throughout the years. Where I once longed to spend hours and hours at the mall, I now dread it. The thought of walking endlessly around a loud, crowded mall where random strangers are trying to either sell you gaudy cell phone covers or organic, mineral-based makeup, well, the thought of that makes me stay at home most of the time and shop online.
However, I've found a place where I can go malling without the risk of having a single salesperson try to hook me in the "Can I ask you a quick questions, ma'am?" pitch. No little kiosks full of tchotchkes, or salesmen peddling their wares. No crowds. No kids. No teenagers. In fact, the mall is all but deserted. I can count on one hand the number of stores still open in this mall.
For those of you who live in Kansas City, and know where I live, you can probably guess that I'm talking about Metro North Mall. For those of you who aren't familiar with this particular place, let me elaborate.
Metro North was once a vibrant, bustling metropolis of consumerism, as most malls are. It housed a movie theater, yummy pizza, a video arcade, typical mall stores, and of course, big department stores. As a teenager, I spent nearly every weekend at the mall with my friends. However, by the time I was in college, the mall had sadly deteriorated, and many stores were closing. It was like a domino effect, and now, when I walk through the mall, I count only 5-6 shops still open for business, and only 1 department store. It's pretty sad. But, it's also somewhat amazing that those few stores are even there.
So, why in the world would I spend my time there, you ask?
Because no one is there,
to get in my way,
while I am....
WALKING!
Yes, I am officially a mall walker. Though it's a dead, or at least, nearly deceased, mall, I'm still considering myself a mall walker. Actually, I see a lot more walkers there than shoppers. It's quite the popular walking spot, especially with the over 60 crowd.
I found myself looking for a place to exercise last week when my husband came home and took over daughter duty so I could go out and earn some activity points. It was hot outside. And humid. And I really didn't relish the thought of coming home a nasty, dripping, sweaty mess, so I tried to think of alternate places where I could walk. The mall was my answer. It's climate-controlled interior beckoned to me, and I fell prey to it's siren song.
I may look goofy as I speed walk through the mall, but at least I'm comfortable, relatively safe, and out of the heat and humidity for awhile.
And while I'm at it, I'm going to share a link to a presentation given my a doctor about what single remedy you can implement into your life to make it so much fuller, richer, and satisfying. It was a pretty impressive talk, as I think you'll agree. The presentation is called 23 1/2 hours.
Tomorrow is Super Saturday weigh in day, or whatever it was that I decided to call it. We'll see if all this malling will prove more healthy for my weight loss now that Orange Julius has long bit the dust.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Um, Honestly....
Today is Weigh-In Day. I think I need to come up with something alliterative. I love alliteration. I mean, I absolutely adore alliteration. Ha! How about we call today....SUPER SCALE SATURDAY! or SLIM DOWN SATURDAY! or - GASP!!! - I have it!!! - SUPER SEXY SLENDERIFIC SENSATIONAL SATURDAY WEIGH IN! Or Weigh In times S to the 5th power.
Okay, I can see that's going to be a work in progress.
Anywho, on my way to S5WI (<--- Have you been paying attention?) I stopped at the local Quick Trip gas station for some liquid refreshment before weighing in. As I'm walking towards the back of the store towards the wonderful dispenser of all things caffeinated and carbonated, I pass a girl and a guy I assume is her boyfriend. Now, the girl is beautiful. She has one of those faces that is model-esque. And this is in spite of the fact that she is not only at least 100lbs heavier than I am, but also about half a foot shorter. You get the point, she's a big, beautiful girl.
So, my initial thought was, "Wow, she's pretty."
And then as I pass by her and her male companion, she holds up a bag containing 2 QT sausages, similar to brauts, and says to her friend, "I hope these aren't both for me. There's no way I can eat both of these."
This whole scene took place in about 3 seconds as I walked through the door and towards the soda dispenser, but I have been thinking about this moment all day long.
Why, you ask?
Because.
She.
Lied.
You know it.
I know it.
Probably the guy with her knew it.
So, I've been wondering all day, if she knew it.
Because I think she probably did. You don't get to be over 350lbs (and yes, that's my guesstimate of her weight, but I'm probably pretty close) by not being able to eat two hot-dog sized sausages.
I'll admit it, at first my thoughts were somewhat catty. I wanted to say, "Honey, you and I both know that not only can you eat those two sausages all by yourself, you have before, and you probably will again." Not nice, Dorian, not nice. Of course, I didn't actually say that to her. It popped into my head momentarily is all. But what has stuck with me all day is this question:
Why did she bother saying that in the first place?
Why not just be honest?
I'm guessing it probably had to do with her being with this guy. If I pretend I can't eat all this food, then maybe I'll magically look thinner in his eyes. Or maybe he'll think to himself, "Gee, she doesn't eat that much. All this extra weight must be some sort of illusion, or a curse."
I don't know what she was thinking. I just know what kind of rationalization I might come up with if I were in her shoes.
And believe me, I can be full of rationalizations.
I can come up with tons of fully logical, rational reasons why I can't....
Exercise: It hurts. I don't like getting sweaty. I don't have time. I don't have the money for equipment or a gym membership or even new tennis shoes.
Track my eating: I forget. I don't have time to write everything down. I can't figure out the WW points. I went over my points, so I might as well give up for the rest of the day.
Eat healthy meals: It's expensive to buy fresh produce, whole grains, and lean meats. My husband wants donuts, so why shouldn't I be able to have some, too. I've worked hard; I deserve something sweet/sugary/salty/fatty/chocolaty. It's just one day...I'll get back on track tomorrow.
I left QT feeling sorry for this girl who not only couldn't be honest with her friend, but probably can't be honest with herself. I don't want to be like that. There's no use lying about what I'm doing, or not doing, to take care of my body. My body doesn't lie! It's showing off right now all the choices I made in the past, and how little I did to take care of myself. Every single pound and inch scream the truth, whether my mouth decides to or not. So, why bother with dishonesty?
So, here's me being honest.
This week was good. I was on plan 90% of the time, or more. On one or two days I did go over my Daily and then Weekly WW Points allotment, but exercising helped me stay in the range of weight loss.
Last week I re-joined WW and weighed 272.6 lbs.
This week I weighed in at 264.4 lbs.
So I lost 8.2 lbs my first official week back, which is an awesome start.
(Just so you know, I realize that most of this loss was probably water weight. The first few weeks of any weight loss program are usually the biggest losses, and WW is no different. Also, having just had a baby three weeks ago probably helped jump start the scale moving. Just a week ago my feet were still so swollen that I could only wear sandals. They've finally gone down to nearly normal size, so I'm sure I dumped a lot of water this week.)
So, I have a long ways to go to get to my ultimate goals, but I'm just going to focus on one baby step after another, and I'm going to do my best to remain honest with myself every step of the way.
“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”
- Mother Teresa
Okay, I can see that's going to be a work in progress.
Anywho, on my way to S5WI (<--- Have you been paying attention?) I stopped at the local Quick Trip gas station for some liquid refreshment before weighing in. As I'm walking towards the back of the store towards the wonderful dispenser of all things caffeinated and carbonated, I pass a girl and a guy I assume is her boyfriend. Now, the girl is beautiful. She has one of those faces that is model-esque. And this is in spite of the fact that she is not only at least 100lbs heavier than I am, but also about half a foot shorter. You get the point, she's a big, beautiful girl.
So, my initial thought was, "Wow, she's pretty."
And then as I pass by her and her male companion, she holds up a bag containing 2 QT sausages, similar to brauts, and says to her friend, "I hope these aren't both for me. There's no way I can eat both of these."
This whole scene took place in about 3 seconds as I walked through the door and towards the soda dispenser, but I have been thinking about this moment all day long.
Why, you ask?
Because.
She.
Lied.
You know it.
I know it.
Probably the guy with her knew it.
So, I've been wondering all day, if she knew it.
Because I think she probably did. You don't get to be over 350lbs (and yes, that's my guesstimate of her weight, but I'm probably pretty close) by not being able to eat two hot-dog sized sausages.
I'll admit it, at first my thoughts were somewhat catty. I wanted to say, "Honey, you and I both know that not only can you eat those two sausages all by yourself, you have before, and you probably will again." Not nice, Dorian, not nice. Of course, I didn't actually say that to her. It popped into my head momentarily is all. But what has stuck with me all day is this question:
Why did she bother saying that in the first place?
Why not just be honest?
I'm guessing it probably had to do with her being with this guy. If I pretend I can't eat all this food, then maybe I'll magically look thinner in his eyes. Or maybe he'll think to himself, "Gee, she doesn't eat that much. All this extra weight must be some sort of illusion, or a curse."
I don't know what she was thinking. I just know what kind of rationalization I might come up with if I were in her shoes.
And believe me, I can be full of rationalizations.
I can come up with tons of fully logical, rational reasons why I can't....
Exercise: It hurts. I don't like getting sweaty. I don't have time. I don't have the money for equipment or a gym membership or even new tennis shoes.
Track my eating: I forget. I don't have time to write everything down. I can't figure out the WW points. I went over my points, so I might as well give up for the rest of the day.
Eat healthy meals: It's expensive to buy fresh produce, whole grains, and lean meats. My husband wants donuts, so why shouldn't I be able to have some, too. I've worked hard; I deserve something sweet/sugary/salty/fatty/chocolaty. It's just one day...I'll get back on track tomorrow.
I left QT feeling sorry for this girl who not only couldn't be honest with her friend, but probably can't be honest with herself. I don't want to be like that. There's no use lying about what I'm doing, or not doing, to take care of my body. My body doesn't lie! It's showing off right now all the choices I made in the past, and how little I did to take care of myself. Every single pound and inch scream the truth, whether my mouth decides to or not. So, why bother with dishonesty?
So, here's me being honest.
This week was good. I was on plan 90% of the time, or more. On one or two days I did go over my Daily and then Weekly WW Points allotment, but exercising helped me stay in the range of weight loss.
Last week I re-joined WW and weighed 272.6 lbs.
This week I weighed in at 264.4 lbs.
So I lost 8.2 lbs my first official week back, which is an awesome start.
(Just so you know, I realize that most of this loss was probably water weight. The first few weeks of any weight loss program are usually the biggest losses, and WW is no different. Also, having just had a baby three weeks ago probably helped jump start the scale moving. Just a week ago my feet were still so swollen that I could only wear sandals. They've finally gone down to nearly normal size, so I'm sure I dumped a lot of water this week.)
So, I have a long ways to go to get to my ultimate goals, but I'm just going to focus on one baby step after another, and I'm going to do my best to remain honest with myself every step of the way.
“Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.”
- Mother Teresa
Friday, June 8, 2012
If You Fail to Plan...
If you Fail to Plan, then You're Planning to Fail.
You've heard this before, right? So've I, so I'm going to take a blog post moment to plan out the why, the what and the how of my weight loss goals.
Even though I'm using Weight Watchers as my weight loss tool of choice, I know that losing weight is more than just eating less and exercising more. I've read that 90% of weight loss is done above the shoulders, meaning that the challenge of losing weight is overwhelmingly mental. And I can totally be overwhelmingly mental if I chose.
So first up: THE WHY
I must complete my weight loss and fitness goals because if I don't...
1. I will always regret not becoming the fit and healthy person I have the potential of being.
2. I will significantly shorten my lifespan because of obesity-related diseases and disorders.
3. I will be a poor example of health for my children.
4. I won't be able to fit behind in a booth at a restaurant, a ride at an amusement park, or a seat at a baseball game.
5. I will continue to be ashamed of how I look.
6. I won't be successful in other aspects of my life...success begets success. So does failure.
7. I won't be an inspiration to anyone, least of all myself.
8. I will continue to feel tired and lethargic, and won't have the energy to do all the cool things that I want to accomplish.
9. I will never be able to buy "regular" sized clothes from any old clothing store instead of the fat girl stores I currently have to shop at.
10. I will always wonder why I just didn't up and do it, once and for all.
Second: THE WHAT, WHEN & HOW of my Goals
Weekly Goal
WHAT: I will lose between .5 - 2 lbs per week (on average)
WHEN & HOW: by tracking my Weight Watchers points daily online, being honest about every BLT, staying within my PointsPlus daily limit, and exercising 3-5 days per week to earn at least 14 Activity Points by the end of the week.
Short Term Goal
WHAT: I will lose 5 pounds
WHEN: within 30 days
HOW: See above.
Mid-Term Goals
WHAT: I will lose 5% of my body weight
WHEN: within 30-90 days
HOW: See above. Duh.
WHAT: I will drop 2 dress sizes
WHEN: within 60 - 120 days
HOW: Ummm....yeah, look up.
Long-Term Goal
WHAT: I will weigh approx. 165lbs (or whatever a Dr. approves of as a healthy weight for me) and have a body fat ratio of less than 25%
WHEN: within the next 2 years
HOW: (eye roll)
Third: THE WHY, CONTINUED
Because I will follow my weight loss and fitness plan, I will...
1. Be proud of reaching my potential.
2. Live my life to fullest that I physically can achieve.
3. Become a great role model for my children of how to be active and healthy.
4. Be able to go anywhere and do anything that I want, whether it's riding on a roller coaster, hang gliding, dancing, or just fitting behind a booth at a restaurant.
5. Be proud of the way I look.
6. Be successful in other areas of my life...success begets success.
7. Be an inspiration to others. But especially to myself.
8. Have all the energy I need to do all the things I want o accomplish.
9. Be able to wear the cute clothes I see in regular clothing stores, and look good in them.
10. Be so glad that I just finally up and did it, once and for all.
Fourth: THE REALITY
I am not perfect. I do not require perfection from others, so I do not require it from myself. However, I do require discipline and consistency. If I can follow my plan and work on my goals wholeheartedly 90% of the time, then I will be successful.
"It's never too late to become what you might have been." - George Elliot
You've heard this before, right? So've I, so I'm going to take a blog post moment to plan out the why, the what and the how of my weight loss goals.
Even though I'm using Weight Watchers as my weight loss tool of choice, I know that losing weight is more than just eating less and exercising more. I've read that 90% of weight loss is done above the shoulders, meaning that the challenge of losing weight is overwhelmingly mental. And I can totally be overwhelmingly mental if I chose.
So first up: THE WHY
I must complete my weight loss and fitness goals because if I don't...
1. I will always regret not becoming the fit and healthy person I have the potential of being.
2. I will significantly shorten my lifespan because of obesity-related diseases and disorders.
3. I will be a poor example of health for my children.
4. I won't be able to fit behind in a booth at a restaurant, a ride at an amusement park, or a seat at a baseball game.
5. I will continue to be ashamed of how I look.
6. I won't be successful in other aspects of my life...success begets success. So does failure.
7. I won't be an inspiration to anyone, least of all myself.
8. I will continue to feel tired and lethargic, and won't have the energy to do all the cool things that I want to accomplish.
9. I will never be able to buy "regular" sized clothes from any old clothing store instead of the fat girl stores I currently have to shop at.
10. I will always wonder why I just didn't up and do it, once and for all.
Second: THE WHAT, WHEN & HOW of my Goals
Weekly Goal
WHAT: I will lose between .5 - 2 lbs per week (on average)
WHEN & HOW: by tracking my Weight Watchers points daily online, being honest about every BLT, staying within my PointsPlus daily limit, and exercising 3-5 days per week to earn at least 14 Activity Points by the end of the week.
Short Term Goal
WHAT: I will lose 5 pounds
WHEN: within 30 days
HOW: See above.
Mid-Term Goals
WHAT: I will lose 5% of my body weight
WHEN: within 30-90 days
HOW: See above. Duh.
WHAT: I will drop 2 dress sizes
WHEN: within 60 - 120 days
HOW: Ummm....yeah, look up.
Long-Term Goal
WHAT: I will weigh approx. 165lbs (or whatever a Dr. approves of as a healthy weight for me) and have a body fat ratio of less than 25%
WHEN: within the next 2 years
HOW: (eye roll)
Third: THE WHY, CONTINUED
Because I will follow my weight loss and fitness plan, I will...
1. Be proud of reaching my potential.
2. Live my life to fullest that I physically can achieve.
3. Become a great role model for my children of how to be active and healthy.
4. Be able to go anywhere and do anything that I want, whether it's riding on a roller coaster, hang gliding, dancing, or just fitting behind a booth at a restaurant.
5. Be proud of the way I look.
6. Be successful in other areas of my life...success begets success.
7. Be an inspiration to others. But especially to myself.
8. Have all the energy I need to do all the things I want o accomplish.
9. Be able to wear the cute clothes I see in regular clothing stores, and look good in them.
10. Be so glad that I just finally up and did it, once and for all.
Fourth: THE REALITY
I am not perfect. I do not require perfection from others, so I do not require it from myself. However, I do require discipline and consistency. If I can follow my plan and work on my goals wholeheartedly 90% of the time, then I will be successful.
"It's never too late to become what you might have been." - George Elliot
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Baby Steps to my Food Tracker
I'll admit it. I'm overwhelmingly a tad inconsistent sometimes. In fact, it can probably be said that the only thing I've ever been truly consistent about is being inconsistent. I realize that's not something to be proud of, it's just the way things are.
I'm trying to fight it though. I'm really trying to be much more consistent in my good eating habits, tracking my food, eating "whole" and healthy food, and even *gasp!* getting some exercise.
Though I'm trying to do all of these things everyday, I'm focusing on tracking my food every day this week. I'll exercise a bit, I'll do my best to eat healthfully, but mostly, I'm just trying to be honest about writing down what I eat everyday, even if I go over my Weight Watcher Points.
Some days it's easy to be accountable, like today. I made awesome choices for breakfast and lunch and had enough points left over to treat myself to an amazing taste treat: a Shatto Ice Cream Sammich. Yes, a Sammich. And not any kind of Sammich. An oatmeal cookie with salted caramel ice cream SAMMICH. It was pure awesomeness in my mouth. I kid you not. And it was worth every bit of the 16 Weight Watchers PointsPlus that it cost me to eat it. The amazing thing is that I knew that I had at least that amount of points left so I could enjoy my treat guilt free.
Some days are not so easy to commit to tracking my food, like this past Sunday when my family went out to Golden Corral for lunch. Now, even though I tried not to go too crazy, I didn't make the most health-conscious decisions for filling my plate. I'll admit it, Igorged enjoyed myself a little. But when I got home, I knew that I had to at least track something, even though I couldn't possibly remember everything that I ate. So, I went ahead and decided that I had most likely used all of my daily PointsPlus, as well as the rest of my weekly Points.
So, I'm trying to be more consistent. My Weight Watchers leader has a great quote that reminds us of often: You only have to track your food on the weeks that you want to lose weight. Well, I really want to lose some weight this week, so even though it goes against my nature, I'm working hard to be consistent in tracking every BLT (bite, lick, and taste) I take.
I'm trying to fight it though. I'm really trying to be much more consistent in my good eating habits, tracking my food, eating "whole" and healthy food, and even *gasp!* getting some exercise.
Though I'm trying to do all of these things everyday, I'm focusing on tracking my food every day this week. I'll exercise a bit, I'll do my best to eat healthfully, but mostly, I'm just trying to be honest about writing down what I eat everyday, even if I go over my Weight Watcher Points.
Some days it's easy to be accountable, like today. I made awesome choices for breakfast and lunch and had enough points left over to treat myself to an amazing taste treat: a Shatto Ice Cream Sammich. Yes, a Sammich. And not any kind of Sammich. An oatmeal cookie with salted caramel ice cream SAMMICH. It was pure awesomeness in my mouth. I kid you not. And it was worth every bit of the 16 Weight Watchers PointsPlus that it cost me to eat it. The amazing thing is that I knew that I had at least that amount of points left so I could enjoy my treat guilt free.
Some days are not so easy to commit to tracking my food, like this past Sunday when my family went out to Golden Corral for lunch. Now, even though I tried not to go too crazy, I didn't make the most health-conscious decisions for filling my plate. I'll admit it, I
So, I'm trying to be more consistent. My Weight Watchers leader has a great quote that reminds us of often: You only have to track your food on the weeks that you want to lose weight. Well, I really want to lose some weight this week, so even though it goes against my nature, I'm working hard to be consistent in tracking every BLT (bite, lick, and taste) I take.
Monday, June 4, 2012
9 Months to Bake It!
Okay, so it's been a little over 9 months since I've posted. But, I've had a good reason. I've been busy baking. Baking a baby, that is! And yeah, she's a cutie, and I'm happy that we decided to go ahead and have another munchkin and all, but this is a weight loss blog, so I'm going to just briefly note how adorable little Elsy is, and get back to the point of this blog.
Okay, she's pretty adorable.
I'm pretty cute, too, aren't I?
So now it's been 2 weeks since we've been home, and though I've been running around with the new kid and the 5 year old as much as possible, I just got the go ahead from the doc to start some light exercise. Woo hoo! Exercise!! Boy, I can hardly wait. (Did you notice the sarcasm there, cause I'm laying it on pretty thick.) Actually, the thought of immediately becoming pregnant again ran through my mind, just so I wouldn't have to work out for 9 more months. But alas, I know I just need to suck it up and get going.
So go I went.
Off to the park so the mega munchkin could play with daddy, while the mini munchkin could come with me in the stroller. Forty minutes and 2 measly little miles later, I was tuckered out. It's pretty sad how quick it is to get out of shape, but luckily, I know the way back...it just takes time.
So today I went on another walk, this time for 50 minutes. I didn't get much farther. I'm not any faster. But, that's okay. I can be the tortoise for awhile. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
While I walk I listen to podcasts. One of my favorite is from Fat2FitRadio.com. At the end of the show, there's always a quote. One of my favorites that came recently was, "No matter how slow you go, you still are lapping everybody on the couch."
So watch your back; I'm about to lap you at 3.2 miles per hour.
Okay, she's pretty adorable.
I'm pretty cute, too, aren't I?
So now it's been 2 weeks since we've been home, and though I've been running around with the new kid and the 5 year old as much as possible, I just got the go ahead from the doc to start some light exercise. Woo hoo! Exercise!! Boy, I can hardly wait. (Did you notice the sarcasm there, cause I'm laying it on pretty thick.) Actually, the thought of immediately becoming pregnant again ran through my mind, just so I wouldn't have to work out for 9 more months. But alas, I know I just need to suck it up and get going.
So go I went.
Off to the park so the mega munchkin could play with daddy, while the mini munchkin could come with me in the stroller. Forty minutes and 2 measly little miles later, I was tuckered out. It's pretty sad how quick it is to get out of shape, but luckily, I know the way back...it just takes time.
So today I went on another walk, this time for 50 minutes. I didn't get much farther. I'm not any faster. But, that's okay. I can be the tortoise for awhile. Slow and steady wins the race, right?
While I walk I listen to podcasts. One of my favorite is from Fat2FitRadio.com. At the end of the show, there's always a quote. One of my favorites that came recently was, "No matter how slow you go, you still are lapping everybody on the couch."
So watch your back; I'm about to lap you at 3.2 miles per hour.
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