If You Fail to Plan...

If you Fail to Plan, then You're Planning to Fail.

You've heard this before, right?  So've I, so I'm going to take a blog post moment to plan out the why, the what and the how of my weight loss goals.

Even though I'm using Weight Watchers as my weight loss tool of choice, I know that losing weight is more than just eating less and exercising more.  I've read that 90% of weight loss is done above the shoulders, meaning that the challenge of losing weight is overwhelmingly mental.  And I can totally be overwhelmingly mental if I chose.

So first up:  THE WHY

I must complete my weight loss and fitness goals because if I don't...
1. I will always regret not becoming the fit and healthy person I have the potential of being.
2. I will significantly shorten my lifespan because of obesity-related diseases and disorders.
3. I will be a poor example of health for my children.
4. I won't be able to fit behind in a booth at a restaurant, a ride at an amusement park, or a seat at a baseball game.
5. I will continue to be ashamed of how I look.
6. I won't be successful in other aspects of my life...success begets success.  So does failure.
7. I won't be an inspiration to anyone, least of all myself.
8. I will continue to feel tired and lethargic, and won't have the energy to do all the cool things that I want to accomplish.
9. I will never be able to buy "regular" sized clothes from any old clothing store instead of the fat girl stores I currently have to shop at.
10. I will always wonder why I just didn't up and do it, once and for all.


Second:  THE WHAT, WHEN & HOW of my Goals


Weekly Goal
WHAT:  I will lose between .5 - 2 lbs per week (on average)
WHEN & HOW:  by tracking my Weight Watchers points daily online, being honest about every BLT, staying within my PointsPlus daily limit, and exercising 3-5 days per week to earn at least 14 Activity Points by the end of the week.

Short Term Goal
WHAT: I will lose 5 pounds
WHEN: within 30 days
HOW: See above.


Mid-Term Goals
WHAT: I will lose 5% of my body weight
WHEN: within 30-90 days
HOW: See above.  Duh.

WHAT:  I will drop 2 dress sizes
WHEN: within 60 - 120 days
HOW:  Ummm....yeah, look up.

Long-Term Goal
WHAT: I will weigh approx. 165lbs (or whatever a Dr. approves of as a healthy weight for me) and have a body fat ratio of less than 25%
WHEN:  within the next 2 years
HOW:  (eye roll)


Third:  THE WHY, CONTINUED


Because I will follow my weight loss and fitness plan, I will...
1.  Be proud of reaching my potential.
2.  Live my life to fullest that I physically can achieve.
3. Become a great role model for my children of how to be active and healthy.
4. Be able to go anywhere and do anything that I want, whether it's riding on a roller coaster, hang gliding, dancing, or just fitting behind a booth at a restaurant.
5.  Be proud of the way I look.
6.  Be successful in other areas of my life...success begets success.
7.  Be an inspiration to others.  But especially to myself.
8.  Have all the energy I need to do all the things I want o accomplish.
9.  Be able to wear the cute clothes I see in regular clothing stores, and look good in them.
10. Be so glad that I just finally up and did it, once and for all.


Fourth:  THE REALITY
I am not perfect.  I do not require perfection from others, so I do not require it from myself.  However, I do require discipline and consistency.  If I can follow my plan and work on my goals wholeheartedly 90% of the time, then I will be successful.




"It's never too late to become what you might have been."  - George Elliot

Baby Steps to my Food Tracker

I'll admit it.  I'm overwhelmingly a tad inconsistent sometimes.  In fact, it can probably be said that the only thing I've ever been truly consistent about is being inconsistent.  I realize that's not something to be proud of, it's just the way things are.

I'm trying to fight it though.  I'm really trying to be much more consistent in my good eating habits, tracking my food, eating "whole" and healthy food, and even *gasp!* getting some exercise. 

Though I'm trying to do all of these things everyday, I'm focusing on tracking my food every day this week.  I'll exercise a bit, I'll do my best to eat healthfully, but mostly, I'm just trying to be honest about writing down what I eat everyday, even if I go over my Weight Watcher Points.

Some days it's easy to be accountable, like today.  I made awesome choices for breakfast and lunch and had enough points left over to treat myself to an amazing taste treat: a Shatto Ice Cream Sammich.  Yes, a Sammich.  And not any kind of Sammich.  An oatmeal cookie with salted caramel ice cream SAMMICH.  It was pure awesomeness in my mouth.  I kid you not.  And it was worth every bit of the 16 Weight Watchers PointsPlus that it cost me to eat it.  The amazing thing is that I knew that I had at least that amount of points left so I could enjoy my treat guilt free.

Some days are not so easy to commit to tracking my food, like this past Sunday when my family went out to Golden Corral for lunch.  Now, even though I tried not to go too crazy, I didn't make the most health-conscious decisions for filling my plate.  I'll admit it, I gorged enjoyed myself a little.  But when I got home, I knew that I had to at least track something, even though I couldn't possibly remember everything that I ate.  So, I went ahead and decided that I had most likely used all of my daily PointsPlus, as well as the rest of my weekly Points. 

So, I'm trying to be more consistent.  My Weight Watchers leader has a great quote that reminds us of often:  You only have to track your food on the weeks that you want to lose weight.  Well, I really want to lose some weight this week, so even though it goes against my nature, I'm working hard to be consistent in tracking every BLT (bite, lick, and taste)  I take.

9 Months to Bake It!

Okay, so it's been a little over 9 months since I've posted.  But, I've had a good reason.  I've been busy baking.  Baking a baby, that is!  And yeah, she's a cutie, and I'm happy that we decided to go ahead and have another munchkin and all, but this is a weight loss blog, so I'm going to just briefly note how adorable little Elsy is, and get back to the point of this blog.

Okay, she's pretty adorable. 
I'm pretty cute, too, aren't I?

So now it's been 2 weeks since we've been home, and though I've been running around with the new kid and the 5 year old as much as possible, I just got the go ahead from the doc to start some light exercise.  Woo hoo!  Exercise!!  Boy, I can hardly wait.  (Did you notice the sarcasm there, cause I'm laying it on pretty thick.)  Actually, the thought of immediately becoming pregnant again ran through my mind, just so I wouldn't have to work out for 9 more months.  But alas, I know I just need to suck it up and get going.

So go I went. 

Off to the park so the mega munchkin could play with daddy, while the mini munchkin could come with me in the stroller.  Forty minutes and 2 measly little miles later, I was tuckered out.  It's pretty sad how quick it is to get out of shape, but luckily, I know the way back...it just takes time.

So today I went on another walk, this time for 50 minutes.  I didn't get much farther.  I'm not any faster.  But, that's okay.  I can be the tortoise for awhile.  Slow and steady wins the race, right? 

While I walk I listen to podcasts.  One of my favorite is from Fat2FitRadio.com.  At the end of the show, there's always a quote.  One of my favorites that came recently was, "No matter how slow you go, you still are lapping everybody on the couch." 

So watch your back; I'm about to lap you at 3.2 miles per hour. 

The Big Five-Oh!

Today was a good day.

It was Weigh-In-Saturday at Weight Watchers this morning.
And it was totally awesome, because I have finally hit the 50 lb mark!  (Fifty-two to be exact.)

I am now at 240.2 pounds of Dorian lusciousness.
I am 23 lbs. lighter than when I graduated from college.
I am only 9 lbs. away from being the smallest I've ever been in my adult life.
I am 10 lbs. lighter than my driver license says that I am (and we all know THAT was a total lie for so many years).
I am merely 20 lbs. away from my weight at 16 years of age.

Let's face it.
I AM  a rock star.  Boo-yeah.

So I'm feeling good about me today.  I'm starting to feel good on the inside as well as the outside.  My knees don't hurt quite as much.  I'm having fewer headaches than I had in the past.  My back doesn't hurt quite as bad at the end of the day.  And my inner self-talk is much more positive than negative.  I'm starting to say things to myself like, "You can totally do this!"

OH!  And I have to tell you about this AMAZING accomplishment I had at the gym on Friday.
I took Lily with me, and while she was playing in the kids' club, I was working my ass tail off (quite literally) on this weird elliptical/treadmill/stair stepper hybrid.  It's called an "adaptive motion trainer."  I've included a link to a video on how it works, just in case you're itching to know what it does.  For the short version of what it does, let me tell you, It kicks butts and is taking names!

Okay, so I'm on the freaky, hybrid machine, which is actually a lot of fun because it has this neat little bounce to it, and it really doesn't put stress on my knees, which is what I like about the elliptical.  I like to imagine it's what it would feel like to exercise on the moon.  And as I'm watching an episode of Glee,  45 minutes pass by and I hardly notice.

The thing about the freaky, hybrid machine though, is that it REALLY works me out, and it's somewhat difficult to really cool down on it.  So, I decided to move over to the treadmill and walk slowly for a few minutes to my cool down groove on.  But, when I stepped on there, I couldn't help thinking, "Gee, it's been a long time since I've ran on the treadmill.  I wonder if I can still run for 30 seconds without stopping?"

So, I bumped up the speed till I was running, and 30 seconds went by....and then....ANOTHER 30 seconds went by.  And I didn't die!  Even after a whole sustained minute of running, I wasn't in pain, or so short of breath that I'd be in danger of passing out.  It was...well, it was ok.  And it was so ok, that I thought I'd go ahead and give it another try in a couple of minutes.  And so I did.

And did again.

And did again.

And then the last time, I wondered how long I could run without stopping, before my legs started really complaining.  Well, it turns out that I was able to make it to the 2-minute mark!  This was very exciting for me.  I haven't run in several months.  I wasn't sure I even could.  Two minutes may not seem like a very long time, but for someone who is carrying around 80 lbs. of extra fat on their body, running for any length of time is somewhat of a miracle.

But here's the REALLY miraculous part:
As we were leaving the gym, I asked Lily if she had fun.  She said she did, and before I could think to stop it, I said, "Me, too."


I don't think I've EVER felt like exercise was fun.  Unless you're a masochistic psycho who considers an hour of torture fun, which I'm not.

But Friday night, for the first time that I can ever recall happening, working out was actually fun.
Who knew THAT was possible?
Personally, I think that change in attitude is just as much of an accomplishment as losing 50 pounds.

Another Pound (or two) Bites the Dust!

Yes, yes, yes!!  For three weigh-ins in a row, I've been on the losing side.  And when you're trying to lose weight, being on the losing side is a good thing.  I've lost 8 lbs in 4 weeks (I skipped a weigh in because of that mean ol' Aunt Flo), and I'm super-duper happy with myself.

I am getting close to being in uncharted territory for me.  Uncharted territory is a weight that I have not been in during my adult life.  I'm within 15 pounds of being at my lowest weight (since I started paying attention to my weight when I graduated from college).  My lowest weight within my adult history is 232.  I remember the day that I reached that weight.  It was pre-Lily, while I was still living in Colorado Springs. After Weight Watchers I went to my friend Tracy's house for a Creative Memories scrapbook party.  I was so excited to be the lowest weight I'd ever been, and to be sporting the smallest size jeans I'd ever worn as an adult, size 18.

I'm not quite back into the size 18's yet.  I tried a pair of size 18 jeans this morning just to be sure.  I can get them on, and even buttoned, but they create quite the unattractive muffin top, and I'm not about to knowingly do that to myself.  Besides, just a few more weeks of continued dedication and I'll be able to wear them without the problem of looking like any sort of baked good.

This is really exciting for me.  I tried on those same pair of jeans this past winter, and I couldn't even get them over my big ol' booty, much less have any hope of getting them buttoned.  I love this kind of affirmation that I'm actually doing something right and making some progress.  When I tried on clothes a few weeks ago on a big ol' Back to School shopping spree, I was really surprised that I was buying pants that were 2 sizes smaller than I was wearing only a few months ago.  I honestly thought that clothes sizes were really getting larger, not that I was getting any smaller.  Being able to get those size 18's on today though, helped me to really see that progress is happening.

Yea for smaller clothes!!  Hopefully soon I won't have to shop in the chubby chicka stores anymore.  I will not be sad to say goodbye to the overpriced Lane Bryant, Catherine's, and CJ Banks.  I will, however, still continue to shop at Torrid, because they have extremely awesome clothes, even if they are a little pricy sometimes.  But I am INCREDIBLY excited by the prospect of someday, in the foreseeable future, being able to shop at a REGULAR sized clothing store.  Ahhh....wouldn't that be oh, so lovely!

Just When You Think I'm Gone...

Poof!  I'm back!!

Now, don't go and get all excited now and start breaking out the popcorn.  Who knows just how long this will last.  I just knew that I needed to get some things off my chest and into the vast wasteland of the internet.

So....there's some good news and then some bad news.
Let's start with the good news, shall we?

Over the course of the past 3 weeks I've managed to lose 6-ish pounds.  I'm sure this is most likely due to the overtaking physical demands of getting up off my lazy summer butt, putting my classroom back together and actually working again.  Luckily, my butt didn't have the opportunity to suffer from too much summeritis due to working for 5 weeks in the dark bowls of Hell summer school.  Then, I was so lucky to get incredibly sick for about 2 weeks, where I could barely eat, or even move other than to run to the restroom ever so quickly and delicately.  You know the diarrhea dance, don't you?  You can't break into an all-out run, because things can leak.  You have to do a quick little hopping movement, dancing on your toes, not unlike a ballet dancer en pointe suffering from acute dysentery.  What a beautiful moment I've just created for you in your head.  Aren't you lucky?  Luckier than I was for two weeks, I can tell you that.

The amazing thing about that experience was that I lost 15 pounds in two days.  That's right, two days!  And as soon as I started to feel better, and could actually eat again, I gained it all back in 5.  That was not to amazing, I guess.  But, it's okay.  I knew it wouldn't last.  It was just nice to see those numbers on the scale.  Numbers I hadn't seen in years.

So that gave me motivation, I guess, to actually get back on track.
And that brings me to my present loss.  Six pounds over the past few weeks has brought me down to losing 45.4 lbs. total so far.  Yea me!!  Getting awfully close to that 50 pound mark.

So that's the good news.

Here's the bad...

For the past 3 summers I've gone in for a yearly physical.  It took my brother passing away for me to start to do this, to be aware of what is going on with my body, and to try to take responsibility for keeping it healthy.

Well, this last time, some of my blood work came back funky.  Evidently some enzyme for some liver function is either too high, or too low, or something.  Whatever it is, it's not doing what it's supposed to do.  So, my doctor ordered a Hepatitis B test, as well as a sonogram of my liver.  Negative on the Hep B test.  Yea!  Not so great prognosis on the sonogram.

Evidently, the sonogram shows that my liver is fatty and enlarged.  Now my doc is sending me to a GI specialist to get more info.  I have yet to have that meeting, but from what I've learned from my research so far (thank you Internet, I love you!) is that if I start being more careful about the amount of fat that I eat, and lose weight gradually to a healthy weight, then my condition can be pretty much reversed.  If I don't make these attempts, then there is the possibility that I will contract cirrhosis of the liver, which can be fatal.

Bad, bad news.
And yet, there is a silver lining.

God knows that sometimes we need a 2x4 smack to the head before we'll move our stubborn selves to action.  I guess seeing the failing health of family members and the death of my brother due to obesity just wasn't enough to get me to do what I know needs to be done.  God had to scare me into action....and so far it's working.

I'm scared.  And I'm acting.  First week of school, and I've been going to the gym, and eating within my points.  I'm even using Weight Watchers "Simply Filling" technique, which is eating almost entirely from vegetables, fruits, lean meats, whole grains, legumes...all that healthy, natural crap that I've been trying hard to avoid dealing with for so long.

Turns out, it's not so bad to eat healthy crap.
And if it means that I'll actually be a thinner, healthier person who has a beautiful, healthy liver, then I'm happy to have the chance to change things around and do it.  Finally.

The Road Less Taken

I find myself this week having traveled on the road less taken.
At least, it's been less taken by me over the course of about a year now.
It's the road towards good health.
And I finally got on it!  At least for a week.  Oooh, a week and a day now!  I'm on my way to actually making this a habit if I'm not careful.

My Weight Watcher leader, Becky, issued a 12-week challenge for all of us Weight Watchers who have difficulty...or inertia....when it comes to tracking what we're eating.  So, we have a 12 week tracking challenge, and I accepted the call.

Thank God she sent out an email the next day to remind us, because I'd already forgotten about it.

But, her email spurred me to action, and not only did I track that day, but I've tracked every morsel of food I've eaten for the past 8 days.  I began by telling myself that it didn't matter if I went over my daily Points Plus allotment, the object of the game was just to track what I ate.  And at first, I did go over my Points.  By a lot!  But throughout the week, I stuck to it, and even exercised, which helped me earn back some of those points.  And by the end of the week, I had only eaten one point more than I was allotted.

That one little point didn't seem to do too much damage though.
Because I lost 3.6 pounds this last week, my friends!
I'm doing a lot of celebrating because I'm only 2 pounds away from the lowest I've been since I started Weight Watchers, AND I've lost 40 lbs. since I first started Weight Watchers, which was not all that long after Lily was born.

It's taking me awhile to get the hang of it, but at least the scale is going down bit by bit!
I'm just so incredibly proud of myself.

Another proud moment just happened today.  My family went out to an AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS Italian buffet called Cinzetti's.  (And yes, it's so good that I had to say AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS in capital letters.  It really is that good.)

Yesterday evening, I actually planned out exactly what I wanted to eat today for lunch.  I started with desert, knowing that I wanted some of several things, and then worked my way backwards to main course, and then starters.  I added up all the WW points that it would take, and even though this one meal used all of my daily points, plus a big chunk of my weekly bonus points, I thought it was worth it.

And you know what?
It SOOOOOO was!!

I started out with a big antipasto plate filled with fruit, veggies, and salad.  Then, I went back for some chicken, fried rice balls, glazed carrots, and fried potato pancakes.

Dessert was half of a molten chocolate cake, bread pudding with vanilla sauce, ice cream, and tiramisu.

Was it a lot?
YES!
Am I stuffed?
YES!
Is that okay as long as I count it and am accountable for what I choose to eat?
YOU BET YOUR ASS!  YES!

I'm just really, really happy with myself, in spite of eating so much I felt the need to unbutton my pants on the drive home.  In the past (and by "the past" I mean 2 weeks ago), I would have eaten that much, and maybe even more, and not have been at all mindful of how many points the food was worth, much less bother to look it up and write it all down.

So yea me!  Unbuttoned shorts and all!