Gluttony Comes With a Sneeze Guard

Although there are many temptations which can easily derail me, there is none quite as effective as the All-You-Can-Eat Buffet.

It is kryptonite to my superman strength of willpower.
Well, that may be overstating my willpower.
It's more like a catnap attack on a Saturday afternoon.  I can try and try to resist its urge, but eventually, I will succumb to its siren call.

I know there are others out there who have the ability to go to a buffet and leave with their pants securely fastened and their dignity in check.
I am not one of those persons.
Actually, I've never met any of those said persons.
Perhaps they're mythical.
Maybe they're elves.  Elves are skinny, at least Middle Earth a-la Tolkien elves are.
I can't see an elf going to buffet, though.

Can you imagine Legolas heaping up a plate of beef and broccoli, lo mein noodles, and General Tso's Chicken?  And then, trying to get an egg roll and crab rangoon to sit on top and not topple over while he fills a soup bowl full of that jelly-like, unnaturally red, sweet-and-sour sauce?  I bet Legolas wouldn't even flinch.  He'd be able to hold his plate, the soup bowl of sauce, AND a bowl of actual soup - probably egg drop with a bunch of those fried crunchy things thrown in, as well. And he'd use chopsticks.  Correctly.

I digress.

I always seem to come up with some sort of excuse as to why I need to treat a visit to the buffet like my very last meal on earth.

If it's a pricy buffet, well, then I'm going to eat as much as I can so I can "get my money's worth."

If it's a cheap buffet, then, I'm going to eat as much as I can so I can "make the most of it."

And if it's priced somewhere in the middle, well then I'm going to eat as much as I can because "look at all the choices!" or "It's only once in awhile!" or my personal favorite, "I don't eat like this all the time!"

Thank goodness I don't eat at buffets very often.  I'm already running out of pants that fit.

It's a shame though, that I can't seem to control myself.  Anyone with kids can recognize the allure of a buffet for appeasing all the picky eaters in the family.  Plus there's the added benefit of time convenience.  The one-year-old won't likely wait at a "sit-down" restaurant for 20 minutes for us to be seated, plus another 10 to order our food, and another 20 minutes to wait for it to be brought to our table.  But, she'll happily walk through a line in the buffet and wait patiently at the table for 2 minutes while mommy goes and fills her plate with slightly gelatinous fare that's been congealing under warmer lights for far too long.

The other day I was feeling so proud of myself.  I'd eaten more than my daily Points Plus value, but I had tracked everything, and I had extra Weekly Points to spend as well.  I was doing good.  I'd even tracked a double cheeseburger and fries, which normally I wouldn't even bother writing down.

The next day, however, found us in the land of All-You-Can-Eat pizza bliss at Pizza Ranch.  After a day of fun at the pumpkin patch, we were tired, hungry, and very grouchy.  And that was just me!  The kids were even more so.  Pizza Ranch to the rescue!  Or, not so much.

It's never good when you have unbutton your pants on the ride home from a restaurant.  Nope, never good, indeed.  I bet Legolas never has to unbutton his pants after eating at buffet.

Um, hello?

Hi there.  I think.

I'm not sure if there's anyone out there, or not.

Are those crickets I hear chirping?

Sure is quiet in here.  Oh yeah, perhaps because it's because I stopped writing for several months.

Well, since it's just me in here now, I think I'll go ahead and take this moment to talk to myself.  Out loud.  On a computer.  Which, when written in an equation looks like this:

Talking out loud + Computer = Dementia Blogging

So, I went through this very interesting period of being very entrepreneurial ... is that even a word?  It is now.  And in my entrepreneurial phase I had decided to try and monetize my blogging efforts, start a podcast, and build a brand.  All good things.  For someone who knows the meaning of consistency, that is.  I have never been very good at consistency, so trying to do anything for more than a two week span, rarely ever happens.

I decided my weight loss hobby was just too expensive, so I cut my losses, and now that I have an itch to write again, I'm back here.

Okay, time to confess.  I'm good at confessing, to myself, alone in the dark, empty blogosphere, anyway.

Confession #1: I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.  I have so many things I want to do.  Dab-nabed adult onset ADD!  I swear that's what I have.

Confession #2: I seem to be an All or Nothing type of person.  I'm not sure this is how I want to define myself, but I'm not sure how to change this.  Maybe adding in some of that Consistency stuff that other people seem to have.  I wonder if I can get that at Target?

Confession #3: I weigh more now than I did a year ago.  I think.  I could check that.  I should check that.  Wait just a second while I go check that.

.....Just a minute.

.....It's loading.

.....It's done!

Crap.  I was right.  I've gained about 20 pounds since last year.  All in the space of about 4 months.


Confession #4: I have a hard time believing in myself.  There are certain things I want to do with my life (like be a real-life, professional, New York Times best-selling novelist all while traveling the globe and being so wealthy that I am financially independent...oh yeah, and have a smokin' hot body, too!), but I have a hard time believing that I have the ability to reach my dreams.  I don't think I have what it takes to be truly successful.

I've caught myself several times this week saying to myself, "Why bother trying?  You're just going to fail, anyway."  I know this self-defeating attitude is not the least bit helpful, and is probably a way of giving myself an excuse to not try.  I realize this.  I'm not sure what to do to stop it, though.

I even tried turning to Google for an answer to my problem.
Evidently, a lot of people search for "What to do when you don't believe in yourself."
Unfortunately, not a lot of people seem to have a good answer.

I'm still not sure what to do.  It's been a particularly hard past couple of weeks of looking inward and not liking who I see.  I don't like this overabundance of self-doubt.

But, I think that at least trying to verbalize it, think about it, and look for ways to get past it are all good things.  At least I'm not wallowing in it.  If anyone knows how to wallow, it's me.  I am a world-class wallower.

But, I'd much rather wallow in how awesome I am, rather than how disappointed I am in myself.

Confession #5:  I have no jeans that fit anymore.  I gave away all my too-big jeans when we moved and now my jeans that fit a couple of months ago are seriously too tight.  I'd have to stand up all day, and I'd still not be able to take a deep breath.  This is a critical moment.  I live for jeans days at work, and now I'm finally in a place where I get them every Friday.  EVERY Friday, people!  And I haven't been able to enjoy them because I have no jeans that fit.

Time to do something about that.