I'm Flying Now!!

My very first position in the field of education was over 10 years ago now, just after I graduated from university, when I became an ESL aide for a local high school.

I don't know where I got it, but somehow, I ended up with a bookmark that had 101 Words of Encouragement to say to students.  Some were borderline mundane: Way to go!  Great work!  You can do it!

Others were just wacky:  You're tops!  (What does that even mean?)  You can be trusted!  (Like you couldn't trust me before?) and one of my favorites, You're A-Okay! What kind of goon would actually go around saying that?

But my favorite, my absolute favorite was this one:  YOU'RE FLYING NOW!

It just reeks of geekiness, and therefore, I love it.

My BFF and I would write that to each other back in the day before Social Networking, when we actually sent e-mails to each other.  We still say it though.

Today I decided that I needed to give myself a little praise, and to tell myself that I am, indeed, flying now.

With the exception of Sunday and Monday, I've worked out every day this week.

I've stayed within my Points+ allotment.

I've been drinking water.

I've been rationing out Girl Scout cookies every day, WITHOUT CHEATING.

Today, however, I was a star!

After school we had a big meeting where all the 2nd grade teachers in the district met together.  There is always a plethora of candy - mostly chocolate (And not the crappy kind of chocolate here, there is nothing labeled "Best Choice" or "Sam's Choice" here!  We're talking Reese's, Kit-Kat, Snickers, Hershey's....drooooool......gurgle...gurgle....slurp.  Ack!  My brain is turning into a chocolate-infused zombie!) that is available when we sign in, but also usually scattered and draped ever-so-lovingly over the tables where we sit.  

What's a fat girl to do?

COME PREPARED, THAT'S WHAT!

And prepared I was, my friends!  I wasn't a girl scout for years and years for nothing.

My purse held the contents of a 100 calorie pack of dark cocoa powdered almonds (yummy!!), a banana, and a cheese stick.  And so I didn't feel the least bit of deprivation, I stopped off at Sonic for my favorite beverage:  a Route 44 Diet Vanilla Coke (easy on the ice, of course).  

I was able to sign in without hoarding 2lbs. of candy, and sat sipping my Rt.44DVC-EZice (see Sonic reference above if you're confused about that).  And believe it or not, I was thoroughly contented just eating the cheese stick.  I delved into the rest of my booty after the meeting, but throughout the meeting nary a single piece of chocolate crossed these lips.  Girl Scout Honor.

PLUS!!

PLUS!!

(I had to say it twice, just in case you didn't get the extreme amount of enthusiasm I'm mustering up here.)

Even though I had to be back at school two hours later to watch my students sing in their annual music program, I STILL went to the gym and worked out.  I even planned ahead enough to bring things (including clean didies) so that I could take a shower at the gym.  

I was simply amazing today.

Forget about flying, I'm en fuego!

We Have Clavicle!

This has been an exciting day for me.  I'd love for you to share in my joy.
Here's what's going on, friends.

Last night in the shower, for the first time in a very long time, I felt my clavicle bones peeking out from beneath my skin.  If you're not familiar with the clavicle, it's also called the collar bone.

In my fat girl world, it's also known as a skinny person bone.  Why's that you ask?  Because as your body builds up fat, the clavicle bone disappears underneath all that fatty tissue and you're left with a very solid, unattractive chest and neck.  It's a skinny bone.  It's also a sexy bone.  Take a look at how many times people are either touching their own clavicle bones or other people's clavicle bones in movies.  Once you start to notice it, you'll see it's always a setup to foreplay.  It's true.

But finding my sexy, skinny clavicle bone is only one of three happy happenings that took place recently.

Here's happy happy joy joy exciting event numero dos:
I found my Wii!!
It got lost in our move this last summer, and I finally found it a few days ago, in the garage of all places.  But what is even more exciting is that my Wii Fit game was in the Wii, so now I can work out even more easily from home.  Whee!  I mean, Wii!

And now I can give my sister-in-law back her Wii which I commandeered about 9 months ago and have been holding hostage in my living room.  I'm sure she'll be glad to have her Wii back as well.

Another item which was lost has also been found just today:  my dad found my iTouch!   Several weeks ago I was at my parents house having a card-making session with my mom and aunt.  My dad was babysitting Lily in the living room while we were busily playing in the kitchen.  Sometime during the afternoon Lily found my purse and began exploring.  Everything made it back into my purse except for my iTouch.

(If you still live in the Dark Ages and don't know what that is, well, then, I mock you and feel a little sorry for you.  No, no...I kid, I kid.  It's like the iPhone -minus the phone part-, with lots of neat gadgets that allow me to listen to music, watch movies, play games, surf the Internet, check my email, and more fun techno geek stuff like that.)


Well, my dad and I went through their house several times trying to find my precious iTouch, turning over furniture, crawling on the floor trying to be at "Lily height,"  even looking through the trash.  All to no avail.  **Hee, hee...I used the word "avail."  That makes me giggle.**

Luckily for me, my dad finally found it this evening sitting down in the depth of a decorative crockery jar on the floor.  Hallelujah!!  I was SO excited about this news.  I love, love, LOVE my iTouch, and it's been a hard few weeks without it.  It sure makes working out at the gym so much easier when I zone out, stop paying attention to the loathsome exercise, and veg in front of some TV series episode I've been waiting to see.

It's a happy day.

BUT...THAT'S NOT ALL!!

Oh no, my friends.  There's more!

The best part!!

Are you excited?
Are you sitting on the edge of your seat?
Are you fairly tingling with anticipation?

No?  Me neither really, but it was worth a try.

Today was weigh in Saturday at Weight Watchers, and I'm now at my lowest weight since I moved this summer!  I've been bouncing back and forth over the same 5-6 lbs for over 6 months, and this week's revelation that the only thing standing between me and my success...is me...must have really helped me meet my goal of losing weight this week.

I tracked faithfully everyday.
I was even honest in my tracking.
I ate only within my points (I did go over my daily and weekly points, but I made up for it with a bunch of activity points).
I planned what I was going to eat.
I stuck with it even when it was hard - including a day when I threw a yummy looking brownie away -- and planning for enjoying my Girl Scout cookies in moderation, though they make me want to be anything BUT moderate as I consume them.

So, I'm proud of me.  My hard work paid off this week.  I lost 1.8 lbs. this week, bringing my total back down to 257.2.  A lot higher than I want to be, but only about 8 lbs. left to get to my pre-summer weight.  Then I can start thinking in terms of goals that are new, and have nothing to do with my summer weight gain.

Yea for losing weight!
Yea for finding the lost!
Yea for having hot, sexy, skinny bones start making a comeback!

What Was I Thinking?

Yesterday one of my cute little students held up a plastic sack to me and said, "Here's your Girl Scout cookies you ordered, Mrs. T."

Oh.
Crap.

Those were the first two thoughts in my mind.
I remember ordering them in November, in a moment of weakness.  I wanted cookies then.  And she's one of the sweetest kids I've ever had.  It was hard to say no.

So I didn't.

I said yes.
To two boxes.
Of my very favorite Girl Scout cookies:  Thin Mints and Peanut Butter Bliss.

Why is it, just when you try to get ahold of your life, and really become disciplined, that terrible, evil temptation comes barging in your life in the hands of an 8 year old?  Well, maybe that's not how it happens for you, but it did for me.

So, I did the only thing I could think of at the moment.
I locked them in a closet.
It worked for the duration of the day.  Out of sight, out of mind.  I didn't think on them again until I had to open up the closet at the end of the day to get my coat and purse, and then there they were, staring at me in all their glorious Girl Scoutyness.

Because the sky was pouring down buckets of snow, and my windshield wipers kept freezing up so I could barely see, I did not have the manual dexterity to break into the box of cookies while I was driving, which is exactly what I did last year when I bought Girl Scout cookies.  Thank you crappy weather for helping to save me from temptation.

As soon as I got home, I put them on top of the fridge, still wrapped in the plastic bag, until I could figure out how to consume them without going crazy.

I counted the points for a serving of each delectable type of cookie:  4 points for two of the peanut butter cookies, and 4 points for four thin mints.  Wow, that's 8 points if I want to enjoy both of them.

I had enough points to eat the cookies if I wanted...but I wouldn't be able to eat dinner.

Choices.
Choices.

I chose to eat dinner instead.  And I'm glad I made the responsible, mature, adult choice.
I went to bed feeling satisfied that I didn't give into the temptation, and determined to make a plan for fitting them into the next day's food lineup.

So that's what I did today.  I planned my daily food intake around being able to have 6 cookies.  It was awesome.  When I finally had them today, along with a cup of fat free hot cocoa, they were deliciously exquisite.  I even placed them ever so delicately on one of my best Japanese porcelain plates so they would even look pretty.  I savored every single morsel, and I didn't have to feel a bit guilty because I had counted them and tracked them, and I had enough points to eat them.

Dorian-1, Temptation-0

Hey lady, mooooooove over!!

Do you hear the subtle mooing of cows?
I do.

Something came to me last night.  I know I've probably heard it before.  Heck, I've probably even said it before.  It came to me via the Internet.  Yea technology!  You flippin' rock my world!


Last night I watched some TV with my parents.  It's been years now since I've seen "The Biggest Loser" and I really wanted to watch an episode.  My parents graciously allowed me to commandeer their TV for the better part of 2 hours, and even let me delete a couple of shows they were planning on Tivo-ing, so I could record it and zoom through the commercials.  That's love, my friends, that's love.

I really enjoyed watching "The Biggest Loser," and I'll admit, I was in the TV viewing mood when I got home, so I surfed around and found A&E's new show, "Heavy."  Yea for free TV on the Internet!  You also rock my world!!  If you haven't seen it, the show follows morbidly obese people around as they are given the chance to live in a controlled environment for a month, learn to exercise, and learn how to eat healthier.  At the end of the month, they're sent back home to try to continue their new habits for 5 more months and hopefully, lose weight and become healthier -- these are some BIG people, so they don't get normal in 6 months, but they do get better.

On the episode I was watching last night, one of the individuals was a lady who was constantly coming up with reasons why she couldn't do the program.  The exercise hurt too much, it was too hard, she didn't want to bust her ass...just over and over and over.

And I thought to myself,
"Oh my gosh, that's ME!"

It's weird to see yourself on national television in such a negative light.  But I couldn't refute it.  That girl was saying some of the very same things I've said right here on this blog.  And boy, WAS SHE ANNOYING!

So, I apologize if my constant whining about how hard this all is has annoyed you.  Perhaps you, like me last night, sit and take it all in, not unlike a horribly disfiguring traffic accident.  You're disgusted by what you see, but unable to peel your eyes away.  That's somewhat how I felt last night.

But, at the end, finally, she redeems herself.  She says this one phrase that stuck in my brain like crusty poo  on a baby's ass...

(I just knew you'd appreciate that visual.)


She said, "The only thing keeping me from reaching success...is me."

Well, D'UH!!

That's what I thought at first.
But then I took a moment.
And thought about that statement.
And pondered on it.
Mused on it.
And contemplated it.

And I came to the realization that this one sentence is the simple, definitive truth about weight loss.
I am the only thing holding me back.
There's nothing and no one else that I can blame my lack of success on.
Nothing else is responsible for my failure.
It's not the food.
It's not the ice cream.
It's not the exercise.
It's not my hatred of said exercise.
It's not my schedule.
It's not my husband's crazy hours.
It's not my raging female hormones.
It's not Aunt Flo.
It's not the worst day ever.
It's not the best day ever.
It's not because it's a Friday/the weekend/a birthday/a holiday/Kwanzaa/or Rosh Hashanah.  


it's me

me

What a little word.
What a little thing to cause so many big problems.

But, now I'm left with the question, "So now what do I do?"

Well, I'm not sure.
But, I'm starting out by telling myself to moooove over, and get out of the way of my success.

I am in control of my own destiny.
I am in control of my own success.
If I succeed or if I fail, I have no one to hold accountable for the outcome,  but myself.

Dang it!  I really liked blaming my weight on exercise-based phobia and ice cream addiction!

Keeping the End in Mind

One of the things I have to do as a teacher is get the end, the objective, what I want my students to learn, know and be able to do at the end of the lesson or unit, in my mind before I ever start teaching.

Well, that's what I have to do if I want to be a good teacher.  Sometimes the end goal is just to keep them from driving me crazy, but more often than not the goal is for them to reach some sort of learning objective.

For example, by the end of tomorrow's lesson in Social Studies, my students should be able to name the three western frontier trails that most pioneers used in the 1800's, as well as name reasons why the pioneers used those particular trails.  They will also be able to distinguish the pros and cons of using oxen vs. mules to travel to the west on the frontier trails, and provide logical reasons why they would choose one over the other.

So, knowing that's what I wanted my kids to get out of the lesson by the end of the period, I created a kick ass multimedia lesson integrating different learning styles and techniques in order to reach all my students at their level of learning.  Just so you know, I won't actually use the term "kick ass" during the lesson...that's just for your benefit.  And then later I will have a set of different assessment to test if those students acquired the skills and knowledge that were set forth in my objectives.

I try to consciously and systematically do this for all of my lessons.  So, for five days a week, I do this for math, science, social studies, reading, writing, handwriting, social skills, and spelling.  That's about 40 lessons per week that I am studiously crafting in order to reach the stated objectives.

NOW, IF I CAN DO THAT FOR 23 WHINY, SNOT-NOSED KIDS EVERY WEEK, WHY IN THE WORLD CAN'T I DO THAT FOR MYSELF?


I have the objective in mind, but it's somewhat vague and general:  GET SKINNY.
And I sort of have the lesson plan mapped out:  EAT LESS AND EXERCISE MORE.
But, I think I need to start being more targeted, and set more small goals, with specific steps on how I want to reach my objective.


So, this week the objective is:  HAVE A LOSS.  Last week it was .2 lbs.  The week before it was 2.2.  I'm just happy as long as it's a loss.  That's my goal: lose weight.


So, the hard part is focusing on the steps to get there.  I have only a few days left before Weigh-In Saturday, so I won't have to focus for too long.  I can do this!


Step One:  Track every BLT (bite, lick and taste) that goes into my mouth.  
I'm usually not a person that takes little nibbles of things, but Lily has these organic cheddar bunny crackers that are as good as Cheeze-Its and I LOVE THEM, so I have to be really careful to just not go there.  Mmmmm....cheeze-its.....drrrroooool.


Step Two:  Exercise EVERY day the rest of this week for at least 30 minutes, preferably 45.
I've been doing pretty good with this so far this week.  Saturday I worked out, Sun & Mon I took a break, but I worked out this morning, and I plan on doing it tomorrow, Thursday and Friday as well.  Just gotta keep on keeping on with it, even though I hate it almost as much as I hate throwing up through my nose.  Does that give you a good picture of what I'm feeling here?  Can you feel the depth of my emotion through that analogy?  I hope so, because I think I just really grossed myself out here.


Okay, so I have a goal, and I have some steps to get there.  I know there are other things I should be keeping in mind, like eating more lean meats, fruit & veggies, and drinking more water, blah, blah, blah...but my brain can only take so much, people!  I'll get there, I'll get there.  Baby steps.  We're going back to baby steps.

You can baby step with me, if you like.

Oh, and by the way, can you name the three most-used frontier trails to the West used by the pioneers in the 1800's?  Yes, well, then you may just be smarter than a 2nd grader.  NO?  Well then, consider yourself an average American.

A Good Day

I had a good day today.

It's not like I don't have those often, because I do.  But, today was particularly nice.

I went to church this morning.  It's been almost 5 months since I've been to church.  Part of that was due to laziness, sickness, dueling schedules with my husband and the fact that Sunday is the only day we both have off together, and then there's also been my lack of faith.  I've been so angry with God, frustrated about unanswered prayers, and hurt by the seemingly unending unfairness of life.  So, I let all that goop keep me from going to church.

The pastor called a few months ago.
A couple of ladies from the church left messages on my answering machine.
One lady in the choir sent me a couple cards.
I didn't answer any of them, not the phone calls or the cards.
I didn't know what to say to them, "Hi, thanks for the call...I'm actually not sure if I believe in God anymore, but thanks for thinking of me."

But, I finally came to the understanding that life without God, just really sucks.  So if He's not really there, or if He's not who I've always believed in Him to be, then I'd rather be happily delusional, then unhappily disbelieving.  So I decided to go to church.  It took a few weeks to get my courage up.  I go to a really, really small church.  It's considered a full house if there are more than 20 people there.  I mean TINY.  So it's not like I could slip in the back pew unnoticed.  I was really nervous.  In fact, I was so nervous that my hands were shaking a little as I entered the sanctuary.

But here's what made this all good.
I expected to hear, "So where have you been??"
But all I heard this morning was "I'm so glad you're here!" accompanied by rib-crushing hugs from people in the choir.

In fact, I made an elderly man cry.
Twice.
From joy.
I think.
It was his hug that came dangerously close to shattering my ribcage.

So when I left today, I felt good.
I felt wanted.
And needed.
And loved.
And, I think that's all everyone really wants and needs when you come down to it.  We all just want to be wanted, needed and loved.

So, it was a good day.

I Don't Completely Suck...Yet.

So, even though I've let my blog go to seed and have totally neglected my readers with nary a word as to why, I haven't completely sucked in the weight loss world.

I just have to take a moment to bask in the fact that I used the word, "nary."  Fun words like that make me feel all tingly.  It's an English major thing.  I completely admit how incredibly nerdy I sound right now.  Get over it.  You're just jealous.  Or covetous.  Oh yes, I own a thesaurus, baby, and I know how to use it.


Wow, it's like I have a blogger version of ADHD or something.

So, back to my real reason for the post.  I just wanted to brag quite boisterously humbly announce that I have had some success in the past few months.  I'm still not down to where I was in my weight before the summer began, but I haven't had a gain for about 6 weeks now.

AAAAAAAND....

wait for it!!!!!!!!

And I even LOST WEIGHT over Thanksgiving, Christmas AND New Year's.  That's some sort of record, I'm sure.  So, hence the reason that I don't completely suck.  I'm doing a few things right.

And I do mean A FEW.

I'm trying to do better, I really am, but I'm still struggling to faithfully write down and track everything that I eat.  It basically comes down to this:  I'm lazy and I just don't wanna!  I realize though, that in order to be successful, I'm going to have to get over my whiny-ass self.  I know it's coming, I'm just putting it off for as long as I can.

What I am doing right is trying to follow the new Weight Watchers Points Plus plan.  If you haven't heard already about the new plan, let me give you three words:
FAN-FREAKING-TABULOUS!!!

I love, love, LOVE the new plan, and if you know what's good for you, you will too!
Here's the skinny peeps!!

Okay, so WW still uses a points-based system, but instead of using calories/fat/fiber to calculate the points value of a food, WW now uses fat/fiber/carbs/protein to calculate the Points+ value of foods.  I really like this because it finally registers that not all calories are created equal.  100 calories of apple is NOT the same as a 100 calorie Oreo snack pack.  They don't fill you up the same, they don't burn off the same, they're just different.  Does this make sense to you, because it really, really registers with me.  Plus, it means that you're essentially *rewarded* with extra points by making healthier choices.

Let's go back to the apple vs. Oreo example.  On the old plan, the apple might have been 1 point, while the Oreo snack pack was only 2.  So, what would any fat girl choose?  The Oreo, of course!  But now that more nutritional information is being used to define the Points+ value of a food, on the new plan the apple is 0 Points+, and the Oreo might be 4 Points+.  So, not only do I get to eat the apple for 0 Points+, but I get to save the points that I would have used on the old plan to eat the apple, to eat something else.  I know I've lost a few of you by now.  I can see that glazed over, deer in the headlights look.  I think it was the moment that I mentioned Oreos.

For the rest of you that are still paying attention, there is one more SUPER AWESOME part of Points Plus program:  ALL fruit is now worth 0 points if it is fresh, frozen, or packaged in fruit juice and drained.  So all those bananas that used to be worth 2-3 points (usually 3 for me, because I like my bananas big....hmmmm....I feel a little naughty now) they are all now ZERO POINTS!!!  Would you like an orange?  A mango?  Some papaya?  Pineapple?  Kiwi?  Kumquat?  Starfruit?  Persimmon?  All thrown together in a fruit salad?  Why go ahead because they are ZERO POINTS my friends!!!

This has truly REVOLUTIONIZED the way that I eat.
Especially at a buffet.

You know I like the buffet.  All fat people do.  You can test this out for yourself, of course.  Do a little street survey.  Stop random obese people on the street and ask them their opinion on buffets.  100% will give them the thumbs up.  That's because we fat people, we likes to eat!!

Again with the blogger ADHD!  Where's the blogspot form of Ritalin when you need it??


So now at the awesome sushi/Chinese/Mongolian buffet place that we drive 40 minutes to get to every few weeks, I have a ROCK AWESOME plan for staying in control and so far it has worked like a charm!!  Before I eat one bite of anything with rice, dumplings, or moo goo whatever, I have to eat a plate full of fruit.  It's not like I have to twist my arm to eat fruit, though, cause I love it.  And I know that not all the fruit that is available is in fruit juice.  I can spot heavy syrup pretty easily...it's so glossy and pretty...so I can stay away from that.  I just pile up the good stuff on my plate and chow down on fruit before I allow myself anything else.

By the time I'm done with the fruit, I'm not usually all that hungry anymore.  So, I get a bowl of soup, and a plate of my absolute favorite foods that I really want to eat, and after a trip to the dessert bar to get some coffee-flavored gelatin cake (you know the humongous sheet cake thing, cut into one inch by one inch squares? I love that cake!), I'm good and done.  And the best part is that I only have to count the Points+ from the food I ate after the fruit, which is not usually all that bad.

So, my review of the plan so far is to give it two thumbs way up!  If you were thinking of giving WW a try, this is the best plan I've seen yet, and by far the most livable, so get your booty on down to sign up while there's still free registration y'all!

This is not a paid endorsement of Weight Watchers or the Points Plus program.  If, however, Weight Watchers would like to pay me for endorsing them, I would only be too happy to take their money.

Spring Cleaning

What is that thing under all that dust?
Phsssssew!  Cough!  Cough!  Ah-choo!
Oh, I know what that is!!  It's my abandoned blog!!

Wow, I remember when this thing was really hot.  I used to write on it every day, sometimes even twice a day.  Everything I saw around me seemed to give me new inspiration for a fun and pithy blog entry.
Hmm....I wonder what happened?

tick
tock
tick
tock
tick

I'm still wondering.  Give me a minute.

tick
tock
tick

OH I KNOW!!!  I got sidetracked and couldn't get up off my lazy a** long enough to write anything of any importance.  That's what happened.

Well, what to do now?
It's a three day weekend (Thank you, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. for being born so that I could have a day off of work....oh, and thanks for fighting for civil rights, too.  You rock!) and I'm becoming an insane neat freak in the cleaning/straightening/organizing type of mood, so it's Spring Cleaning, at least cleaning up my stuff.  So, what do I do with you, Mr. Blog?  Do I keep you around?  Clean you off?  Buff you into a shiny new polish of amusing witticisms and carefully crafted complaints about the lifestyle of losing weight?  Or do I just chuck you in the trash and feed you to the empty wasteland of abandoned blogs on the internet?

Hmmmm.....

I guess I am sorta granola - go Earth, you're the best planet ever! - and I do believe in the reuse, repair, recycle thing, so I'm gonna go ahead and clean you off, Mr. Blog, and see what I can do with you.

Who knows?  Maybe I'll actually have something interesting to say someday.