Playing Hooky

I’m going to fess up in advance.  I’m playing hooky from Weight Watchers tomorrow.  But, it’s not because I don’t want to go, or am afraid of what I might see on the scale when I get there.


I’m going to a children’s literature festival tomorrow (sponsored by the coolest children’s bookstore in Kansas City: The Reading Reptile) and I have to leave early in the morning.  The only other meeting is at 6:30, and I’m not waking up my two-year-old to take her to that.  By the time we’d get there, we’d probably both be in tears.  So, tomorrow I’m taking the day off. 

I’m actually quite proud of myself.  This is the first week that I’ve missed my Weight Watcher’s meeting since the very beginning of the year.  Yea me!  Before, if I was afraid that I’d have a gain, I would likely skip that meeting.

I have this weird condition where I only want to have good news and constant weight loss.  Gains bum me out, so I would try to avoid them if I knew one was coming.  So that meant I missed a lot of Weight Watcher’s meetings. 

I think I’m getting better about this.  I still tend to think in terms of what I’m going to see on the scale on Saturday morning, instead of trying to lose weight for me and just for me.  For example, since I know that I’m not going to be working out tomorrow, it was really tempting today to say that I don’t need to work out tonight.  There’s me focusing on the weigh in, instead of the choice to live a healthy lifestyle.  At least I realized what I was doing, and I’m fully planning on working out today.

So, some progress is being made.  Progress in my thinking at least, if not in all of my actions.

The Bermuda Triangle of Weight Loss

I feel for Amelia Earhart and all those other souls lost somewhere in the purgatorial void that is the Bermuda Triangle, because that's where I am right now.

I haven't been able to really shake myself out of this rut, and I'm doing a half-assed job at everything.  I'm kinda, sorta exercising.
Kinda, sorta watching what I eat.
Kinda, sorta counting points.
And kinda, sorta drinking water...when I run out of soda.

"Well hello Mr. Half Ass!  When did you roll into town?"

I hate being this way, but I'm just stuck right now in weight loss limbo. 
I'm hating the exercise.
I'm hating the tracking.
I'm hating the frozen lunches I eat everyday.
I'm hating not just eating what I want, as much as I want, and whenever I want.

But, I still really, really hate being fat.

I think I need to remind myself of that more often.
I hate being fat.
Hey you!  Yeah you!!  Don't forget that you HATE being fat!

Yeah, that outta do it.

Erin Go BLAH!!

Alright, where is that stinkin' leprechaun who stole my good intentions and misplaced my motivation?  I know he's around here somewhere, the little bugger!!

Well, this week is not going quite according to plan (I blame the leprechaun), but some good things are still happening.  I haven't been tracking everyday, all day, like I intended.  BUT, I am sticking to my meals that I planned out for the week, and I'm keeping mental track of my points, so that's positive.

I still am not drinking water quite as much as I should, BUT, I have found my 2-quart pitcher and some only semi-crusty old Crystal Lite packets in the back of the cabinet.  Fruit punch with floaters...since it doesn't all quite dissolve when it's crunchy like that.

And, lastly, I have only exercised once during spring break, instead of the 2-3 times I intended to so far.  Oh well.  Life happens.  We deal.  We move on.

And even though I wasn't able to do all that I wanted, something good still has come out of it.

I'VE LOST 20.4 POUNDS THIS YEAR!!!

That's right!  You heard it here first, though you can be expecting to see it headlined on Fox News tonight.  I can just see it now..."This groundbreaking news just in.  Local woman has just informed us that despite insurmountable odds and an official 'dip day' at work this week, she has somehow managed to find the perseverance and strength to lose a total of 20 point 4 pounds since the beginning of the year.  Amazing.  Simply amazing.  How's that weather looking, Stan?"

I did an early weigh-in at Weight Watchers this week because Saturday is my birthday, and I just may not be able to make it to WW that day.  Today was the only other day I could go, so I just up and went.  I'm glad I did.

I have to be honest, though.  I wasn't sure it would happen.  I have this bad habit of sounding all confident and cocky, but in reality, I don't feel capable of success at all.  I mean, after all, I've joined WW more times than I can count, and until now I've done nothing but fail at losing weight.  I have this internal little demon saying "so how is THIS time going to be any different?".  Stupid little demon.

Every year I have had a weight loss goal to lose 20 pounds by my birthday.  This is the only year that I've ever reached my goal.  I feel pretty proud of that, but I didn't say this goal out loud to anybody until I reached it today.  I was worried that if I said it out loud and didn't reach it, I'd have to admit defeat to a bunch of other people.  That would suck.  But, I think, more than that, maybe deeper down that that, I just didn't want to be accountable to anyone for attempting to reach that goal.  Part of me still wants to run and hide and try to do this all on my own, so that when I fail I won't have anyone to disappoint except myself.  And in my brain, that little demon is pointing out all my past mistakes over the years and saying "You haven't really changed.  You're just going to fail like all the other times before."

I think it's time for me to tell that little demon to shut the $#@%! up and get out of my head.

Begone demon of doubt!  I cast you out! 
I am successful.
This time IS different, because I AM different!
I can do this!
I am worth the effort!
I have the ability!
I know what to do, and more importantly, I AM DOING IT!
So find somebody else to listen to your deceit, because I am through allowing you to define me!

Yeah, I'm kicking that demon's ass.
And now I'm taking names.

Good Intentions

When I left the house this morning, I had the best intentions.

I was going to eat really healthy foods.

I was going to drink the equivalent to my weight (in ounces...or at least milliliters--that's a lot less for those of you who shun the metric system) in water.

And best of all...I was going to exercise like I never exercised before!

Well...plans change.  That's all I can say.
When I got to work I realized that I had forgotten both my water, and my beloved diet soda at home.  I was so sad.  And so thirsty!  Thankfully we have a soda machine at work, but I had to do with Diet Pepsi (bleh) instead of my positively delectable Pibb Zero.  Somehow I persevered and made it through the day with no caffeine.  I know, I even amaze myself sometimes.  However, not a drop of water was to be found on my lips today.  Even now, at ten minutes to midnight, I have yet to partake of the H 2 Oh-no.  Before bed I will absolutely, positively, without-a-doubt consider having a glass of water.  :O)

I did make good food choices though.  Even dinner wasn't all that bad.  I went grocery shopping after work and stuck to my list AND my new menu for dinners for this week.  I was so proud of myself this weekend for actually making a menu of meals that I like and are relatively quick to make after coming home from a grueling, soul-crushing highly-satisfying day of yelling at kids educating young, impressionable children. 

The menu for the week consists of veggie-lovers pizza (made this tonight - yumminess!), shrimp tacos, veggie soup & grilled cheese sandwiches, and spaghetti with mushrooms, olives & artichoke hearts.  Friday is up for grabs because it's a day out with the girls, so who knows what we'll be doing then, but it's the night before the big weigh-in, so it will have to include something light that will hopefully be filled with lots of fiber so it can "evacuate the building" before I step on the scale.  (You know that you hope for a good poo before you get on the scale, too, so stop looking at me like that.  I know I'm not the only one who has weighed myself pre- and post- poo and has been amazed at the weight difference!)

So that brings me to today's exercise.  Or lack thereof. 
It just didn't happen.
I wanted it to, but...no.  Not tonight.
As it was, I got home from store around 8:30, after working late tutoring some ungrateful little eager young minds.  And then went to 3 different stores for items I just had to have.  Alas, I did not find my Vitamuffins though, so I'll be making another trip tomorrow as well.  A Weight Watcher's work is never done. 

So when I got home I was tired.  I was hungry.  And I'll admit it, I was feeling lazy.
So I took the night off.
And I think I'm okay with that.
If the worse thing that I've done today is not exercise, then I think I'm doing alright.

Yumminess!

A friend had asked me for the recipe for the cakies I made awhile back, and a couple weeks ago at church I brought another WW cake, and everyone oohed and ahhed over it, so I thought I'd share those with you.

Eat with caution.
They tend to be so yummy that I can't control myself.
But that may just be me.

Cakies
Angel Food Cake Mix
Can of Pie Filling

Mix cake mix and pie filling together.  (I prefer blueberry, or cherry, but pretty much anything with fruit in it will probably work.)  Pour into ungreased cake pan. Bake for 20 minutes at 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Cut into 24 slices = 2 points each, or 12 slices = 3 points each.


Diet-Soda Cake
Diet Cherry Dr. Pepper (or Pibb Zero)
Devil's Food Cake Mix
SF Cherry Jello Mix

Mix cake mix and soda together (slowly...there's a lot of fizzing).  Pour into greased cake pan. (I use Pam for baking instead of greasing it up with Crisco and flour, because, well, yuck.)  Bake for time and temp as indicated on cake mix box.  Test for doneness and allow to cool on rack.

When cake has cooled, use a toothpick to poke holes all over the top of the cake.  Bring 1 Cup water to boil and stir in jello mix until dissolved.  Pour jello over cake.  Refrigerate cake until cold and firm.  Another nice addition is to frost the cake with Cool Whip Free.  Points vary depending on what brand of cake mix you use.  But, generally, for 12 slices it's about 4 to 5 points per slice.


ENJOY!!

Thank you, Lord, for creating the decimal point!

Okay, so this week was not so great.
There was sickness.
There was apathy.
There were late nights at work.
There were way too many trips to Sonic.
And so, there was a gain.

But thankfully, God created the decimal point, so my gain wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been.

.8

Eight-tenths of a pound.
12 ounces.
Not. That. Bad.

Actually, I'm somewhat shocked it isn't worse.  This is only the 2nd time I've gained weight this year, and I am certain that I probably should have gained more.  I think my early morning, drink-only-as-little-water-as-you-can-get-away-with-before-weighing, 45-minute power workout at the gym might have helped a little bit before weighing in this morning.  I usually work out after weighing in because A) I'm starving, and I want to weigh as quickly as possible so I can eat something, and B) I'm thirsty when I work out, and I don't want to add any more water weight to my body before I weigh in.

But, I figured today that if I had a gain already, adding some water to my weight wouldn't be that big of a deal, so I got over myself, drank some water and worked out before stepping on the scales.

So, this week didn't work out so great.  But that's okay.  Let's take what we've learned from past mistakes and move on. 

So, what didn't work???

Well, not tracking didn't work.
I don't think I tracked one single day all the way through this week at all.  I started tracking a few days, but by dinner time, I'd given up on it.  So, this week I'm committing to doing this all day, everyday, no excuses.  If I have time enough to pick up a fork and shove food in my face, I have enough time to get on the computer for 2 minutes and write down what I ate.

Not exercising - doesn't work.
Granted, I was sick at the beginning of the week.  And then I had church on Wednesday right after work, a late night at school on Thursday, and then Friday I attempted to exercise, but Lily had a dirty diaper 15 minutes into my workout and I was already going to be late for a ladies craft night.  So in total I worked out only two and quarter times this week.  That didn't seem to work.  This coming week should be much better.  Spring Break is here, and I only have to work on Mon & Tues, and then I'm free!  I always work out more when I have a day off.  Yea!  I'm going to give the jogging thing a try again, too.  Maybe I'll try it on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Saturdays.  We'll see....


Eating out 4-5 times a week -- didn't seem to work so well.
I have such a hard time making good choices when I eat out.  I need to just do a better job of planning what to eat for dinner each night, and get it all bought and ready.  I do a great job with breakfast and lunch, it's always dinner that screws everything up.  I need to put my grown-up pants on and just figure out what to do for dinners instead of driving through any time I don't want to cook.

So, now I have a plan.
Track your food.
Get your butt in gear.
Plan better for dinner.

Oh yeah, and try drinking some water.  Other than when I'm exercising, I haven't been drinking water at all.  I'm getting the heebie-jeebies just thinking about all the chemicals floating around in my body from all the diet soda I've consumed in the past week.  Yeee.

Okay.  Now have plan.
Set resolve.
Find motivation.
Remember why you're doing this.
Now, go do it.

Eating Like a Thin Person

What the heck does that even mean, anyway?

I've heard people say that before, and all that goes through my head when I hear it is, "Well, if I knew how to DO that, I wouldn't have 100 pounds of blubber bisecting my belly, now would I?"

Just what does it mean to eat like a thin person?
Do they make better choices than their chubby chums?
Do they just eat less than porky people?
What is their secret?

I try to watch my husband.  He's a skinny guy.
We only get to eat together once or twice a week though, and I'm usually amazed by how much he can put away in one meal.  I know he doesn't always eat like that, but he does eat a lot when we're together.  I need more skinny people to eat with so I can observe their behavior.  Take notes.  Make observations.  Form a hypothesis.
It seems like there should be some magic formula that I could follow to suddenly eat like a thin person.  Poof!  Voila!  I now choose to eat smaller portions of more healthy food, and I don't even miss what I'm not eating!!  That would have to be magic.

Today I ate like a fat person.
A chubby chick.
A hungry, hungry hippo.

I hope I make the transition sometime soon to eating like a thin person.
Because it sure would be nice to be thin.

**********************
Post Script:
I've had some friends ask how I am feeling now, a few days after my stomach bug incident and the flatulence from hell. I am happy to report that I am feeling much better, and can now fart without trepidation or fear of...moisture.

I'll Huff and I'll Puff and I'll Keel Over From Exhaustion

I did it.

You won't believe me, but I did it.

I hardly believe it myself and I was there.

I [gasp!] ran.

Yes, yes I did.

I bought the shoes.
I bought the neat little iTouch arm band.
I bought a new inhaler.
And I did it.

I waited until the dark of night.
When no one was at the park.
(I for sure wasn't about to try this at the gym!)
And I ran.
Well, first I walked for 5 minutes.
Just to warm up.
And then I walked 2 more minutes.
To get my courage up.
And then I ran.
Thirty glorious seconds of pulse-pounding, heart-pumping, sweat-inducing, blubber-blowing greatness.

And then I walked again.

But I kept it up.
Thirty seconds of running followed by one-and-a-half minutes of fast-paced walking.
Ten times.
Two miles.
Thirty minutes.

I DID IT!!!

I'm still somewhat in shock.

I didn't think I'd actually do it, but for some reason today felt like it was going to be the day.
As I drove home this evening, I noticed that no one was at the park by my house, and this park has a fabulous asphalt trail that is exactly 1 mile around.

I got to the shoe store and I found the perfect pair of Nike's right in front, calling my name.  "Dorian!  Buy me!  Try me!  We'll fit your fat wide-width feet, we promise!"

I got back to the park and almost chickened out when I realized that the neat "Couch to 5K" podcast I'd wanted to put on my iPod hadn't transferred for some reason.  But then, I decided to just use the stopwatch tool to time myself.  (Kudos to my buddy Nicole for pointing this cool "Couch to 5K" site to me!  You rock, sister!) 

And then I began.
The first 30 seconds of running wasn't so bad.
The second was....harder.
The third was....excruciating.
The forth was....pathetic.
The fifth was somewhat easier.
The sixth was do-able.
The seventh, eighth, ninth and tenth came straight from the 9th level of Hell in Dante's Inferno.

But I made it.  And I lived to tell the tale.

Luckily, there were very few people at the park.  Mostly a few straggling families getting ready to leave.  A couple late joggers.  Several deer that kept staring at me.  I kept wondering what they were thinking.  The people, not the deer.  Though, that might be interesting to know, too.

There was one point where I'd been lapped by a jogger, but that was okay because I was in the middle of the walking portion.  But then he turned around and came back the other way.  "Hey buddy," I thought to myself, "Don't you know that this track only goes counter-clockwise?  Read the signs!"  But what I really was worried about, was that my minute and 30 seconds of walking was almost up and I was about to start jogging, and I was going to be jogging past him.

I didn't want to jog past him.

What's he going to think of this big, ol' blubberous girl attempting to run?  Is he going to be laughing internally?  Is he going to make a face at me?  Is he going to say something?

I almost didn't start jogging.  I almost just kept waking until I got past him.

But then I thought, What the hell...I don't know this guy.  I'll probably never see him again in my life, and if I do, I won't remember him.  So quit yer excuses and get your butt in gear.  And I did.  I ran (well, what could possibly be considered passing for running) right past him, looked him square in the eye, and smiled.  He smiled back.

It wasn't so bad.

I never want to do it again, though.

But, I will.  Soon.

I'm trying hard to get over my worries about what other people are thinking about me.  I was so glad no one was at the park, because what if people actually saw me trying to run?!?!  I can't help but wonder if people are judging me when they see me exercise.  Are they thinking, "Whoa, look at that fat cow!" or "Dang! Get that booty on a StairMaster, quick!"  Or are they thinking, "Oh, look at that....isn't she pathetic?"  or "She really doesn't belong out here with us REAL athletes." 

I wondered tonight as I was pondering these things, if I'm really worried that other people are judging me with these thoughts, of if in actuality, I'm judging myself and maybe I really think there is veracity to their imagined condemnation.  I think maybe it's me who is being judgmental, not other people.  And I think maybe I need to stop worrying about what I perceive other people are thinking about me, and worry more about being more forgiving of myself and just doing what I need to do.

So, even though my blubber was blowing in the breeze (ahhh, you gotta love that alliteration!) I will again put on my jogging shoes in a few days and give this another try.

Compliments

I'm starting to get them.

Compliments.

"Hey, you're looking good."
"Have you lost weight?"
"Damn! You're hot!!" 

Okay, that last one is what I tell myself, but still, they're starting to come in.

It's nice to know that someone other than myself is noticing my slowly changing physique.  I'll admit that I crave compliments.  I don't usually go out of my way to get them, but they're nice when they come and I appreciate that someone noticed me for my hard work.

It's taken a long time for me to be able to accept a compliment gracefully.
I used to try to argue about a compliment.
"Wow, that's really great what you just did there, Dorian."
"Oh, no, really, that's nothing.  So-and-so does such a better job."

Now I'm finally able just to say "Thank you," have a good feeling about what I did, and move on. 

But I think that giving compliments is just as fun as giving them.
I know that I love to make someone's day a little bit brighter by just stating the obvious, "You look fabulous in the shirt!", "I love how you always find something positive to say about everyone!", "I want to be like you when I grow up."  I can think of so many friends and family members that really deserve to be told this everyday.  So, I'm going to challenge myself to remember to give away one compliment everyday, and on days when I receive a compliment, I want to try to double my compliment output. 

It's better to give than to receive. 

Hey, you look mahhhhhhhvelous, by the way.
;O)

So NOT the way to lose weight

Today at church I had a little surprise.
Not a good surprise.
A very, very, very bad surprise.

Oh, I can't believe I'm even sharing this with you.
If anyone laughs at me for this, I'll be sad forever.
So don't make my heart sad.

I was sitting down on the floor, changing Lily's diaper, when I felt the need to....how do we say it delicately?...pass some air, shall we say.  It felt like a tiny little fart that needed to escape, so I gave a little squeeze, expecting a little "Tuft!" and brief moment of release.  However, I released more than I intended.  Much, much more.

Unbeknownst to me, my intestines were all tied in knots of ickyness and stomach-flu likeness.

So after my little "Tuft!" there was also a little....ahem.....moisture.  I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, but I was too late.  The Hershey squirts had already spilled out onto my panties and were soaking through my pants.  I think I went 5 times in a hour, before I finally left to go home (with my coat tied around my waist of course).

Now I'm feeling pretty yucky.  Pretty pukey, though I haven't vomited.  I just have the other end to worry about.  But I've been wondering what was coming on.

For the last 4 days I've had intense feelings of dizziness.  On Thursday I nearly fell off the elliptical at the gym, and on Friday I nearly fell down in class several times before grabbing onto a wall or a desk to keep me steady.  It's been very weird.  I have extremely good balance (my doctor even told me so!), so it's not like me to just get dizzy and lose my balance.  I wonder if I have the stomach flu, and it's been building up for the past few days.  If it is, and if it has, and if I've touched, coughed near, or breathed on you, I apologize profusely.

Hopefully it's just a stomach bug and will be gone tomorrow.  I seriously DO NOT want to write out another set of substitute teacher plans.  They're so much work, and I don't really feel up to it.  I'm honestly not sure which is worse: writing sub plans or having the Hershey squirts.

So Close to 20!

Oh man!  I'm now down 19.8 pounds for the year!  Woot! Woot!  I'm so excited that I'm so close to 20 pounds gone now.  I'm almost at my next big "mini" goal of being under 250.  Today I weighed in at 251.2 lbs.  This is particularly exciting because I'm in the college weight zone now.  I'm probably near the same weight I was when I was a sophomore or junior in college.  I feel like I'm turning back the clock.

Today was also a great Weight Watchers meeting.  It was a show and tell meeting where members were encouraged to bring in their favorite have-to-have food items that they would like to share.  I got a few ideas for foods I'd like to try that I've never seen before.  And I also got some good ideas for Laughing Cow cheese (I LOVE this cheese by the way!) that I hadn't tried before.  I usually smear it on celery or crackers, but I got some good ideas for mixing it into mashed, steamed cauliflower, or as a spread on a burger (or stuffed in a burger!).  I think I'm also going to order some Vitatops Muffins.  I've heard such good things about them.

I have something tinkering in my brain.  I'm not sure if I'm going to really do it, but it's tinkering away.

I'd really like to be able to run. 
I don't think I'd enjoy it.
I just want to be ABLE to do it.

When I see those people on the treadmills at the gym, I can't help but wonder how they do it.

I'll admit it, I'm very envious of them.
I want to do that too.

SO RUN! you say.  Oh, ho, ho....simple reader.  It's not as easy as that.
Asthma and knee problems make it difficult, oh and, oh yeah the 100 POUNDS OF EXTRA FAT on my body also makes running more than a little bit difficult. 

But I'm willing to try.  I've got an inhaler.  I have knee braces.  I'm just working up the courage to give it a try.  So I've told myself that once I get below the 250 mark, and it's a little less crappy outside, I'm going to give the walk/run thing a try.  I'm nervous about it.  I'm afraid I'll look like a great, gargantuan, rythmless hippo flapping in the breeze.  I'm afraid I'll fall down.  I'm afraid I'll pop my knee cap out of place again.  But, I'll give it a try.  Sometime soon.  I may be a great, gargantuan rythmless hippo...but I'll be one that's moving at a pretty good clip.

There Was a Little Girl

who had a little curl (or really straight hair without a kink in it)

right in the middle of her forehead (or not so much...you get the idea).

And when she was good, she was very very good.

But when she was bad, she was horrid.

This is SO me. 

Good.  Bad.  Good.  Bad.  There's no middle ground with me it seems.  I'm either up or down, right or wrong, on Plan, or so not on Plan at all.

This week has been a roller coaster of on and off, good and bad.  It started off good, got bad, got really bad (darn you Sonic and Dairy Queen!), and then leveled off to good again.

I'm hoping that I'll at least break even this weekend.  No gain, please, please no gain!

But, I know that we reap what we sew....so, I'll live with it.

Right now I'm trying to get back into the groove.  A few days of not counting points and writing every thing down has caused complete havoc.  That affects my food choices, and that affects my decision to work out, or skip the exercise all together, and that in turn, affects further eating choices.  It's all a very vicious cycle.  I've been trying to break out of this rut for the past couple of days and get my rear to the gym.

I know that if I take the time to exercise, that I will likely make better eating choices, and will then be more likely to track what I eat more carefully.  Yesterday, however, I went to the gym and HORROR OF HORRORS, realized my iPod's battery was completely out of juice.  I totally wanted to just go home right then and skip the whole thing.  No iPod means no mind-numbing, hypnotic-state inducing, TV watching, which is SO what I need to get through exercise of any length. 

But I was already there.  I was dressed.  I'd changed my socks for goodness' sake!  I wasn't about to leave without doing at least something.  15 minutes, I told myself.  I can stay for 15 minutes and then I'll go home.

17 minutes later, I realized that I'd missed the 15 minute mark.  "Okay....we can make it to 20."  At 22 minutes, I again realized that I hadn't paid enough attention and had missed my stopping point.  I was going up a "hill" on the elliptical, or I would have stopped right then.  Then I noticed I'd burned almost 350 calories.  Okay, at 350 I'll stop, I thought.  You totally know what happened.

At 375 calories, I decided to just go for the full 30 minutes.  Why the heck not.  It was a struggle.  I had to make due with the tiresome closed-captioned news for the whole time, but I made it.  And I was proud that I did.

But just so you know, my iPod is fully juiced, and I'm not about to let that little mishap happen again.

In Memory of Dwain

Today is the 9-month anniversary of my brother, Dwain's, death.

In my Digital Media class that I'm taking, I created my first podcast in memory of him.

You can listen to it by clicking here.  It's an mp3 file.

This is a song that we sing at my church in memory of those who have gone before us.  The lyrics are simply, "Memory Eternal."

Harder Than it Looks

I am absolutely, terribly, incredibly impressed by people who can walk by chocolate, cake, candy, or ice cream and not bat an eye.  Not lift a finger for a quick taste.  Not begin to form a slow dribble of drool down the corner of their mouth.  Not even notice that they are surrounded by a cloud of confectionery calamity.  For them I suppose it must not be a calamity of gargantuan proportions to be surrounded by sweets.  For me, it is sheer hardship.

And the thing is, there is NO ESCAPE.  It's everywhere.  It's everywhere I have to be.
It's at the gas station.
The pharmacy.
The book store.
And of course it declares the grocery store to be its official office of operations.

I know that I'm not going to be able to hide from sweets forever.  There will have to come a time when I face them.  Today was a reminder that I have to revert to "fight" as well as "flight" so that sweets and I can someday co-habitate in this world peacefully.

Tonight I fought though.  It was a struggle, but I won. 
I'm having huge sugar cravings.

Part of that is fault of my own making: I succumbed to making another WW cake for church this past Sunday (oh, but it was SOOOOO good!).  Thankfully, it was mostly devoured by the starving parishioners of my church.  (You'd be hungry too after standing through ah hour-and-a-half service after fasting since midnight.  Our after-church "coffee hours" are full-fledged feasts.)

So the cake has been consumed, and tonight I struggled through every moment of grocery shopping, Barnes & Nobeling, CVSing, and Quick Tripping as I did my errands.  Candy bars, donuts, croissants, even granola bars were tempting me. 

But I didn't give in.  Even when I had the Cadbury egg in my hand, I was able to put it back.

The thought that kept running through my head was, "How much is this going to cost me?"

How much will it cost me in the gym?  An extra 40 minutes on the elliptical just to burn one chocolately-delicious egg? 

How much will this cost my checking account?  Fifty-nine cents now, but what about tomorrow when I just have to stop for donuts, and then in the evening when I need to get a Reeces' Blast from Sonic, and so on and so on for the next few days until I awake from my sugar-induced frenzy?

How much will this cost in terms of bodily real estate?  Are my veins and arteries clog-free enough that that can withstand the extra cholesterol and plaquey buildup from this egg.  Could this be the one egg that brought about the camel's heart attack?

I decided that I didn't want to find out. 
So I fought my temptation.
And then I high-tailed it out of those houses of sin and sugary debauchery as quickly as possible.

Maybe someday sugar and I will be able to co-exist in the same place at the same time....but today is not that day.  And I can be okay with that.