All the World is a Stage

The Setting:  
A factory-like, pain-inflicting warehouse full of sweaty anorexic-looking females and steroid-downing males that smells faintly of Parmesan cheese.  Also known as 24 Hour Fitness.
  
The Players:   

The Protagonist:
Our Heroine:  Overweight, yet undaunted, our female lead faces unparalleled forces of sweatyness and suffering in her attempt to lose weight and become healthy.

The Antagonists:
The Lobster Guy:  Veiny, bulging biceps of a man who has fallen asleep way too many times in the tanning bed.  Arms are reminiscent of lobster claws.

Basketball/Biker Wannabe Dude:  Tall and skinny college student type flavored with colorful tattoos.  Can not seem to decide whether he'd rather adjust his long, silky girl-hair, or adjust his....um.....self. 

Macho Italian Man #1:  Bulkier of two Italian Men.  Can not actually raise arms above head because of steroid addiction muscles.

Macho Italian Man #2:  Older Italian Man.  Prefers to wear sleeveless "wife-beater" T-shirts, though it seems they might cause some nipple chaffing as he is constantly rubbing his chest.


Olsen-twin Lookalikes:  Group of 40-ish aged women who trail around Lobster Guy and Macho Italian Men throughout the gym.  Parade around in variety of neon-colored spandex sports bras just in case someone missed how emaciated good they look.

The Human Pretzel/Mat Hog: Uses entire stretching mat to do splits, back-bends, and other gymnastics that he dreams of one day doing in the 24 Hour Olympics.

The Socialite:  Constantly talks on cell phone during her 9 minute power-workout on elliptical. 


Slave-drivers and Purveyors of Pain: Also known as personal trainers.


Plot:
Facing unspeakable odds and squaring off with such colorful characters as these, our heroine boldly faces these gym 'regulars' in competition to score the much-desired gym mats, elusive ellipticals, and coveted Nautilus machines.  Once again our heroine comes face-to-face with those characters that would hog the gym equipment and take over this arena of fitness.  Yet however intimidating these players might be, our protagonist meets head on these forces of anorexia nervosa and pharmaceutically-enhanced testosterone until she has thoroughly completed her 45 minutes of exercise-induced angst and beaten back those who would seek to intimidate her to the nether regions of the treadmills and stair masters.