365 Days...almost

Since it's January 2, I don't have exactly 365 pounds, but we can work with what I've got.

Okay, so here's the what:
I'm 33 years old.
I have a 3 year old daughter and a 6 year old marriage.

I have been obese my entire adult life, and most of my childhood as well.
I want to lose 100 pounds in 2010.

That's not too much to ask, is it?

I would love to do the lapband or gastric bypass, but A)I'm terrified of either of those and B)I'm poor.  Actually, the poor part vastly outweighs (heh, heh) the fear factor here, so surgical measures are not going to happen anytime soon.  Unless you want to give me a large sum of money.  That would certainly help.


My plan of action:
     Weight Watchers - I've actually been a member of WW for the past 2 years.  I have yet to fully commit myself to it and really "do" the program.  I tend to follow the WW program for 3 days, and take a 4 day vacation on a weekly basis.  Wonder of wonders, this has led to very minute weight loss over the past 2 years.  So, I'm going to do it.  For real.  For one year.  And then I'll see where that gets me.  Hopefully it will get me in smaller pants.

     Exercise - I actually consider exercise a dirty word.  I hate, hate, HATE to exercise.  It does not feel good.  In fact, it feels bad.  I feel sore during and after.  I don't enjoy sweating, and I don't appreciate having to take another shower afterward.  I do not get some euphoric rush of happy hormones spritzing their way through my body.  Mostly I get winded and cranky.
  All that said, I know exercise is key.  So, I'm going to have to just suck it up and do it.  My challenge is to work out 4 days a week with 30 minutes of cardio, 20 minutes of weight lifting, and 10 minutes of stretching.  I think that's doable.  I already work out nearly every Saturday, so that's just 3 other days during the work week.

     Blog - If gaining weight were just about liking food, I think I would have beat this thing a long time ago.  There's got to be more here than just an inability to say "No" to food and "Yes" to exercise.  I must have....(ack!) issues to deal with.  Food issues.  So, here I am trying to work out my issues and get a hold on what they are and why I am still so fat after so many years of trying to take off the weight.  This is my blogapy.  Blog + Therapy= Blogapy.

The scary part:
Okay, here's where it gets really scary.  Exercise I can deal with.  Cutting out calories is doable.  Actually getting honest with myself in the midst of cyberspace makes me want to wet my pants.  But I'm going to do it.  I think.  Okay, take a deep breath.....
     Weight: 271 pounds.  Yikes!  It's out there.  Everyone knows now.  I'm going to see that number plastered on The Inquirer and stare at it in shock and horror the next time I'm at the grocery store buying my weekly supply of highly-processed frozen food.  Oh wait.  Nobody cares about me enough to put that on the cover of a magazine.  Whew!  Disaster averted.
     Size:  I think I'm wearing size 24 pants right now.  I'm not really sure.  The fat girl store (AKA: Lane Bryant) has changed their sizes on their jeans.  So instead of actually going in and knowing what size I am, I have to try on 4 different sizes to find the one that is the least uncomfortable.  The sizes have changed to single digits now, which I think is an attempt to make fat chicks feel not quite so fat.  If I go in and pick up a pair of 24 jeans, I know I'm fat.  But, if I can go in and pick up a pair of size 6 jeans, even though I'm at the fat girl store, I can pretend that I'm not so chunkified.  I think that's the whole sneaky Lane Bryant marketing ploy.  They try to make us fat girls feel normal so we'll keep coming back. 

So, 2 days down.  363 more to go.