Gimme Some Sugah', Baby!!

So, I think I had a mini epiphany this past weekend.

I'm going to call it a "miphany" for short.  Or perhaps an "eipipini."  I'm not clear yet on what little name I want to give this mini epiphany, so I'll just tell you about it.

I was at my sister-in-law's house on Saturday night and had just had a couple slices of Minsky's seafood pizza....mmmmm........pizzzzzzzzzzzaaaaaa.........*drool* 

Sorry, I'm back.  I got a little...distracted.

Anyway, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for only having 2 slices of pizza and stopping though I kinda wanted to eat the last slice of pizza and save it from congealing on the counter, but I didn't.  I showed some self-control, finally.

That's when I noticed I had been ambushed and was surrounded in a hostile territory.

Now, usually my sister-in-law's kitchen is considered friendly territory.  After all, it is usually the setting for some really great meals.  But this night I was deep in enemy territory.  I had been surrounded on all sides by sugar-laden sweets of all kinds: cookies, M&M's and cupcakes.

Now, granted, the cupcakes were off limits because they were for church the next day.  Holy cupcakes, Batman!  Though, if I'd begged I could have probably gotten my sister-in-law to let me snag one.  She's a softy at heart, and I can look pretty pathetic when I want to. 

I made a confession to Jen, my sister-in-law, that I don't think I have ever articulated before: I have an addiction to sugar.

Now, don't get the idea that I get the shakes and wake up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night only to get caught red-handed with a tablespoon and a bag of C&H with a fine film of sugar crystals encrusting my mouth.  It's not quite like that.

My addiction is a little more selective.  I realized that anything baked and/or containing chocolatey goodness sets my internal addiction alarms blaring. 

Here's how I know that I'm addicted:
I was talking to Jen, having a good conversation with her, and I couldn't for the life of me, tell you at that moment what we were talking about because I was so focused on a box of chocolate chip cookies that I had no room in my attention span for anything else.  I was acting like a meth junkie jumping for my next fix!  I finally had to take a dish towel and physically cover up the box of cookies because I couldn't think about anything else.  That's when the M&M's started calling out to me with their candy-coated siren song. 

All I could think about was the candy, the cookies, and the cupcakes that Jen was baking.  My hands were literally shaking. 

It was weird.

It was unsettling.
It was an indication that I have a problem with certain types of food.

When I'm around baked goods or chocolate all I can think about is eating them.  And if I'm trying to watch what I eat, I start justifying to myself how I should eat them just to get them out of the house.  I say things to myself like, "If I eat this entire 5 lb. bag of peanut M&M's tonight, then it won't be there to tempt me tomorrow when I go back on Weight Watchers."  That's fat girl logic right there.

And if someone else has something baked or chocolatey, and they don't eat it right away, it drives me crazy.  I can't stand it when there's a cookie on someone's plate and they haven't eaten it.  I keep thinking, "Are they going to eat that?  Why aren't they eating that?  Don't they want the cookie?  Why would anyone take a cookie they don't want?  What kind of crazy person wouldn't want to eat a cookie?  That looks like the tastiest cookie I've ever seen.  I wonder if they'll notice if I eat their cookie.  Maybe I can cause a distraction and swipe the cookie while they're not looking.  Are they EVER going to eat that &*#$!ing cookie?!"

Seriously, these are the types of thoughts that go through my head.  It's a wonder that people actually think I'm paying any attention to them when I have this all-consuming internal dialogue going on.  I just smile and nod a lot.  It seems to be working.

So now I'm left with the question, What do I do about this?

It's not like I can avoid these things forever.  For goodness sake, that stupid bag of M&M's has been in my sister-in-law's kitchen for weeks now, so I guess I can't count on her to down the thing and end my misery.  I quite literally have to walk out of the kitchen when I get to the point that I know that I can't take any more temptation.  And at my house, I don't have the temptation around in the first place.  Just a few weeks ago I scoured the house for anything chocolate and walked away sorely disappointed gratefully empty-handed. I know there's nothing here. 

But, what about when I go out into the 'real world' and have to face baked items and all things cocoa and delicious?  What do I do then?  Oh, thank you for inviting me to your lovely home! Oh, you baked...just for me?  Well, I guess I'd better be going.  That's not going to help me win friends and influence people. 

I don't know what to do about this.  I really feel like this is an addiction for me, and there's not a lot of support out there for baked items addicts.  There isn't a patch.  I don't think there is really a chocoholics support group.  There aren't any pills to get rid of the cravings.  Uggh, am I strong enough to face a donut and win? 

I'm getting a little shaky just writing about this.  My knees nearly buckled this morning as I passed by a Krispy Kreme case at Quik Trip.  This fight is getting hard.

I know if I give in that eating one will be too many, and a thousand will never be enough. 
Better to just not start.
Stay away.
Hide.

So, if I come over anytime soon.  Please lock up your cakes, muffins, cookies, cupcakes, donuts, baklava, M&M's and any other drug-of-choice-related paraphernalia.  I just don't think I can handle it right now.

I've got the munchies.