Whoa, Nellie!

I've only ridden a horse one time in my life. I was 18. I was outgrowing my size 18 pants. I remember distinctly because I was at my friend, Audra's house, and we were going to a party at her parents' friends' house, and they had horses. I was wearing shorts and Audra's mom said that I needed to wear jeans to ride the horse. I don't know why, that was just what she suggested.

Well, I was bigger than Audra, but I was about her mom's size, so her mom lent some jeans to me. I remember them being size 18. I also remember that I could barely get them buttoned. I had a severe case of muffin top. Pretty much the entire muffin was squeezing out over the rim of the jeans.

I tried to get on the horse, but either I was not coordinated enough, or the jeans were too tight for me to raise my leg higher than 18 inches, but either way I could not get on top of that danged horse.

I tried 4 or 5 times and then gave up.

Someone had to bring a chair out for me to stand on so I could finally straddle the horse.

I still had to have someone give my butt a shove to get my ass up there.

It was pretty humiliating.

Getting back on the horse had a new meaning for me from that moment. I realized truly how hard it is to get on a horse.

This week has been that experience all over again, although I'm struggling with eating instead of a steed. I got bucked off, and I fell hard. I'm doing what I can just to dust myself off right now and take a good look at where I stand.

Do I want to just quit?
No.

Do I want to do this half-assed?
Yes. I mean, no.

Do I really want to gorge myself on chocolate?
Sometimes. No! No! Bad!!

Do I want to go back to being 292 pounds?
Absolutely not.

Can I white knuckle it through the chocolate tempations and the sugar shakes?
Yes, with lots and lots of prayer and support.

Can I get back on track with counting points?
Yes, if I make it a priority.

Can I forgive myself and move on?
Heck yeah.

Self...can you eat healthy foods and reasonable portions, even though you don't want to?
Sigh....I suppose so.

Wow, that's the spirit! Or maybe that's a somewhat deflated spirit slowly dealing with disappointment and coming back to life.

Cummon now, get back on that horse. Hyaaah!!

Neigh...