WON'T Power

Someone posted something in reply to one of my blog postings the other day that has had me thinking ever since.

Someone wrote: I wish I had your willpower.

When I read that, I laughed.  I cried.  I peed my pants.
I couldn't believe it.
Perhaps this person hasn't read all of my blog musings.
Or perhaps this person doesn't know me so well.

I'm sure they meant it in the kindest possible way, so I'm not trying to make this friend feel badly, because it was nice of them to say. 
But of all the people in the world that I know, I have the least WILL power of anyone.

It's true.
I'm a wimp.
A wuss.
A big ol' gluttonous lump of doughy flesh that can not resist even a teeny-tiny Hershey's kiss just for the time it takes to even spell the word "temptation."

But I'm okay with this.

I'm learning to accept that I have limits.
I can not WILL myself to make good choices if there are certain types of food around.
I know that I will cave every time if there is chocolate, cake, cookies, baked goods, nuts, or Hollandaise sauce in my immediate proximity. 

I can live with that.

Because I can run away.
Far, far away.

I'm not ashamed to say that I'm afraid to even be in the same room with certain foods.  I'm learning to make the choice that I WON'T allow myself to be around those foods that cause me so much temptation that all I can think about is eating them. 

I received so many nice presents from my students.  Most of them were chocolate.  So I gave them away to crazy people who I hate because they can keep from gorging themselves I love. 

I don't buy food that I can't handle.
I don't even allow my husband to step in the house with food that I can't handle.
And I'm learning to hide in fear step away with dignity and pride when I encounter places that are filled with treats that I don't handle well.

So, I may not have a lot of willpower, but I have plenty of WONT power.
I WON'T allow myself to become derailed.
I WON'T put myself in places that offer too much temptation.
I WON'T allow food that I can't handle in my home or where I work.

I think I should add some other WON'Ts to this list, too:
I WON'T quit.
I WON'T give up.
I WON'T back down.
I WON'T stop believing that I'm good enough, strong enough, brave enough to make this happen.

Can I get an AMEN?!