Ahhhh....summer.

I'm sure you've heard the joke.  What's a teacher's three, most favorite things in the world?  June, July and August.

It's true.

I love summer vacation. I really, really LOVE my summer vacation.

When I was newly married, and pre-kids, my summers used to be unplanned months of reading books, watching TV, and staying in my jammies until noon.

No longer.

Now that I have two kiddos begging for time and attention, I know that my summer vacation is precious and I will do all I can to eek out every last moment of fun that I can.

Jammies come off in the morning. Breakfast is eaten at 7, and we are out the door at 8 for a day of fun and frivolity. Then back home for lunch at 11, so nap time (the two-year old's...not mine - no time for naps this summer!) can begin as soon as possible, so I have some me time to be creative and make things I've been wanting to make, but have been too tired and too busy to make for the past 10 months.

One of my goals this summer is to walk every morning with the toddler. Strap her in the stroller, shove a cup of Cheerios in her hand, and head off on the walking trail as soon as daughter #1 gets on the bus for summer school. Tomorrow starts day 1 of summer vacation. I'm looking so forward to it.

I visited my doctor a couple of weeks ago, and spoke with him about gastric bypass surgery. I've been thinking about it for a long while, and until a few months ago, I didn't think it would ever be possible.  I didn't think our insurance covered it. I was wrong. By chance, I happened to come across it in our policy, and found out that our insurance does cover weight-loss surgery. However, it's at least a six-month long process of starting a diet and exercise program monitored by my doctor.

It seems strange to have to do that. Hello, candidate for weight-loss surgery. Now, before we actually go through with the surgery, we want you to try one last diet and exercise program. However, if you lose too much weight, then you won't need the surgery. But, if you don't lose weight, then we've given you one more failure to beat yourself up about. Doesn't that seem strange to you?

You also have to have been morbidly obese for at least 5 years. So, it's not like you can have the surgery if you just went on a bender and gained a bunch of weight over the course of a year. I dunno. It just seems strange to me. Oh well.

So, I'm continuing on with Weight Watchers, and I'm going to start walking daily as well. I feel a little torn though. Part of me wants to do everything I can to lose weight through regular old diet and exercise, and see if I can get my weight down to where I would no longer be a candidate for weight loss surgery. The other part of me thinks I'm going to fail anyway, so why bother trying that hard, and let the surgery happen and all will be well with the world.

I hate that feeling of indecision. I think I'm still going to give it all I've got this summer, and try to lose as much weight as I can on my own. This past school year has been killer, and I gained about 30 pounds over the school year. Very, very few of my summer wardrobe fits me at the moment. The biggest motivator for me right now is to get my shorts and capris to fit. I will die a hot, sweaty death if I have to wear the few pairs of wearable jeans that I have left, all summer long. Nothing motivates me quite like the thought of sweaty thighs. Uggh.

In the past, I have tried to be honest about my weight, and I'm going to continue to do that here. It's hard though, to put those numbers up there for the whole world to see. It's just a number though, and I have to remember that number does not define who I am. So, here it is. I'm starting the summer at 288.4, the heaviest I've been (non-pregnant), ever. Ever. Let me say that again. Ever.

Long way to go. But, you know that saying by Confucius, "The longest journey always begins with a single step" or something like that. Tomorrow, my journey starts with a pair of walking shoes, a stroller, and a cup of Cheerios.