The Genetics of Fatitude

I keep wondering if I was born without the specific gene that allows a person to curb their sense of self indulgence. My husband has this gene. He's very capable of denying himself. Being disciplined. Doing what it takes to reach his goals.

I am so not like that.

I'm going to go ahead and blame it on genetics.

That way, I can tell myself, "Well, why even bother trying, because you can't help but fail. You're genetically predisposed to give in to your desires."

Sigh...Now that I write that all out, it sounds a little pathetic, doesn't it.
I'm giving myself permission to fail, and to place the blame squarely on the shoulders of my genes. If my genes have shoulders, that is.

Okay, so maybe discipline isn't inherited, maybe it's something that is earned, cultivated, and practiced.

I'm guessing it's something that has to be worked on, daily, consistently, truthfully, perhaps painfully.

That just sucks, because I don't really like to work at stuff that I'm not naturally good at. And I'm not necessarily a consistent type of person. I'm an all or nothing type of person. A jack-of-all-trades-and-master-of-none type of person. A fly by the seat of my pants type of person.

A fat person, who doesn't like to say no to herself, and who would rather place blame on anyone but herself for why she is so overweight.

I know I need to change. I want to change. I just don't seem to want it bad enough to actually do anything much about it.

My health is starting to be affected by my weight, I think.
Last week I was talking to my parents about the aches and pains of getting older. Whenever I sit still for awhile, and then get up, my joints are all stiff and achy. Sometimes it's difficult to walk if I've been sitting in the same position for an hour or more. Turns out, neither of my parents have this problem. Perhaps it's arthritis?  Whatever it is, I'm sure my weight is not helping matters.

This week my sciatic nerve started to flare up as well. If you've never experienced pain in your sciatic nerve, consider yourself lucky. It is literally a pain in the butt. A searing pain that goes down one side of my butt and all the way down my leg to my thigh. It makes walking down a flight of stairs oh so much fun.

I just wish I could say NO to myself, and mean it.
It's hard to do that when I feel contantly hungry. I tried so hard today to stay on plan.
I felt hungry all day long.
I ate all day long, too.
I was starving after work, so I ate my veggies.
Ate my fruit.
Ate a string cheese.
Ate some more fruit.
Ate a bit of peanut butter.
And then gave in and ate two breakfast sandwiches.

So, I'm considering the pros and cons of bariatric surgery. I know it's not a cure-all, but I think it would help to force me to change my habits somewhat...and make it so I don't feel constantly hungry all the time. Thinking...thinking...thinking.