The Easy Way Out

I think I've got a handle on why I've felt so emotionally crappy the past week or so.

Aunt Flo.

She's not a nice aunt.  Oh no.  She's crabby.  Any whiny.  And takes things way too personally.

And she showed up on my doorstep today, though her presence causes somewhat of a hormonal ruckus in my body for at least a week before her arrival.  She's not someone I enjoy having visit, that's for sure.

I don't think I have that many male readers here, but for those who are, I can't help wondering if they're scratching their heads, going, "What the heck is she talking about?!  Who is this Aunt Flo?"  


Ahhh, boys.  What a joy it must be to not have to deal with this every month.  What's that?  Is that a faint gleam of recognition in his eye?  Is he starting to blush and look around to see if anyone is watching?  I think he may have just closed his internet browser on me.  Wuss.


So anyway, back to me....

I'll admit it.  I get whiny.  I know this.  I accept it.  I sometimes embrace it.

And you'll have to forgive me for getting all nasally while I whine, but...

THIS IS HAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRD!

I DON'T WANNA DO IT ANYMOOOOOOOOOOORE!

WHY CAN'T IT BE EASIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIER?!?


Okay.  I'll stop.

But this week I really was wondering about this.
Why can't it be easier?
Why is it so damn hard?

I  did a little research recently on the Lap-Band procedure.
It's starting to look good.
Really good.
And really out of the realm of financial possibility.
Insurance won't touch it.
We don't have the cash to pay for it.
And I don't really want to go tens of thousands of dollars into debt for it either.

But, I think I'm at the point that I'd do it if I had the chance.

I know it would be really hard, in a different way.
People who choose the procedure have to give up a lot.
They have to sacrifice food in a way I never have in my life.
And soda.
And ice cream.

But in some ways it seems like it would be easier.
Your choices are made for you.
You can only physically ingest so much food before you're in pain.
Certain foods can not be physically tolerated.

I think if I had a sudden windfall of money, I'd do it.

But that's not likely anytime soon, so I'll have to deal with my whininess in other ways.

I looked up weight loss hypnosis, even.

But I don't think I'm going to go there, be that person.  Not yet anyway.

There is one thing that I found in my search for making this a little easier on myself:
AN ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT.

I realized that my bad attitude is making this whole process harder for me than it has to be.  I've been trudging through the past few months like I'm being dragged through the mud.  Weight loss stopped being fun, and started being work, but it became that way because that's the way I made it for myself.

I lost my joy.
I lost my excitement.
And I've been looking all around me to see where I dropped it, when...
(ready for some cheese???)
IT'S BEEN INSIDE ME THE WHOLE TIME!!

I have to choose to be positive.
I have to choose the words that I will say to myself and play in my head.
I have to decide that this is what I really want to do
that I am 100% committed
that I want this more than anything else
that I am looking forward to it
that I am excited about it
that it is FUN.

Nobody else can lie to me convince me other than me.  (See, that bad attitude tried to pop up again.)

So I may not be able to afford someone to open me up and but a band around my stomach.
And I may not be ready for hypno-therapy.
But I can talk myself into this.
I can say positive things.
I can choose to have a positive outlook.
And I can positively, absolutely, FAKE IT TILL I MAKE IT.