The Towel

I've been ready to throw it in.

Give up.

Just.

Quit.

Trying.



But tonight as I held my daughter on my lap I realized that I can't.  Failure is not something I can settle for. If I don't believe in me, how can anyone else?

I've been having a hard time with that this week...believing in myself.  Someone said something to me recently that really hurt me, and let me know that they don't think I can do this.  I let those ignorant remarks derail me, trick me into believing that I don't have the capability to succeed on my own.

And that person is right.

I can't do this on my own.

I need help.

So, I really prayed tonight.  Crying all over, snot and tears flowing in abundance type of crying.  Really down deep, I have screwed up and have been trying to do this on my own, and I'm such an idiot, please God forgive me, help me, guide me, lead me, inspire me, hold me, be with me, teach me, keep me on the right path, type of prayer.

It's been a long time since I've prayed that prayer.

So tonight this is the prayer that I stuck to, "Lord I believe; help my unbelief!" (Mark 9:24)

and the Jesus Prayer: "Lord Jesus Christ, son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner."


And I'm picking up the towel.
It is dirty.
And stained.
But it's not done yet.
There's no need to throw it away.
It can be washed.
Cleansed.
Made whole again.

And given purpose once more.