Enough is Enough!

One of my biggest obstacles in the whole weight loss thing, is knowing, and accepting when enough is enough and I need to back away slowly from the table....or maybe not so slowly....maybe a quick sprint, a hurried job, or an Olympic dash away from the table would be better.

Tonight Koichi grilled some burgers and fresh veggies.
I grew up on burgers.
I think there was a time when we had burgers 3 times a week.
Or hotdogs.
Or steaks.
Or whatever meat could be cooked to nice, crispy charcoal consistency.

So, I love, love, LOVE pretty much anything off the grill.

We have decided that Monday nights, the only night that Koichi and I are actually able to eat dinner together, are either date nights, or grillin' and chillin' nights.

Tonight was grillin' and chillin.
With onion and ranch burgers.
(Mix your ground beef up with some minced onions, egg, and panko, and add some ranch dressing powder to the mix.  Yummy!)

I was so hungry when I got home.
I wanted to eat a horse.
Which I've actually done in the past.
Not an entire horse, mind you, but part of one.
It's a delicacy in Japan.
Raw.
Horse.

(I had to cook mine, just so you know.  As if that makes it better some how.)

(Quick giving me that look.  It's not like I ate Mr. Ed.)

(Stop judging me.)

So, back to me being hungry.

I got home.
Thawed out a couple Sandwich Thins (very yummy; if you've never had them, they're awesome...only 1 point!)
Microwaved up a cup of 1 point soup.
Threw slices of fat free cheese on a couple burgers.
Opened up a new bottle of Bar B Que sauce.

And promptly wolfed down 1 1/2 burgers.

I did force myself to partake of some veggies and finish my soup before I started the second burger, but it was still hard to slow down.  I was really hungry.  And I just really, really love the taste of BBQ burger.

As I was chowing down through the second burger, there was a moment where I had to pause...
for a breath...
And I felt these words form in my head:  "Don't worry about slowing down.  You can have a third burger.  It's okay."

And then a rebuttal:  "You need to slow down.  You're not even that hungry anymore.  If you would breathe between bites, you would see that.  Two hamburgers is plenty.  At least take a little break before you decide."

I listened to the voices in my head.
I carefully weighed what each voice had to say.
I even put half of my burger down to pause deep in thought...
before I made my decision.

I decided to take some more veggies before I polished off burger #2.
And after I ate them, I drank some more Crystal Light.
I looked at my half burger sitting on my plate.
I looked at the 6 extra burgers beckoning to me.

I think I spent about 5 minutes looking back and forth.
"Will this be enough?"
"If I eat another burger am I going to burst?"
"What if a third burger leads to a fourth?"
"But, I still feel hungry....don't I?"

I decided to finish burger #2.
It was yummy.
Drenched in BBQ sauce.

And then I decided to take a shower, and if I still really wanted a burger, I could have one, after I went to all the trouble of dragging the out of the fridge, heating one up, and trying not to look like a glutton in front of my husband.

Needless to say...
(Why does anyone say that?  If it was really needless, then the conversation would stop right there.  Obviously there is a need to say it, or else we wouldn't go on....just a random observation.)

Suffice it to say...
(That sounds better, I think.)
I did not eat a third burger.

Wow, I bet you're thinking.  That's a really long and somewhat incoherent post about whether or not to eat three hamburgers.  And yes, gentle reader, you are right.

But this is my struggle.

To eat or not to eat: thirds.

I've been doing pretty well the past few days.  I'm trying to train my brain to listen to my body and to respond in a healthy way.  I'm trying very hard to be mindful of when I am full, and to (gasp!) STOP EATING!

Skinny people who have forever been skinny don't understand this.
But I don't understand them either, so it's okay.

But for me, eating is obviously much more than adding fuel to my body.  Stopping is difficult, and sometimes nearly impossible.  I don't know exactly why this is.  Why do I need to eat an excess of food, until I am physically in pain before I will stop?  I don't know the answer to that.  If I knew that, then maybe I could get over this part of gluttony and move on.

But, for now I remain ignorant.
An eating ignoramus.
So I'll take it baby step by baby step, until I figure out how to be happy and satisfied with normal, healthy portions.