A Good Day

I had a good day today.

It's not like I don't have those often, because I do.  But, today was particularly nice.

I went to church this morning.  It's been almost 5 months since I've been to church.  Part of that was due to laziness, sickness, dueling schedules with my husband and the fact that Sunday is the only day we both have off together, and then there's also been my lack of faith.  I've been so angry with God, frustrated about unanswered prayers, and hurt by the seemingly unending unfairness of life.  So, I let all that goop keep me from going to church.

The pastor called a few months ago.
A couple of ladies from the church left messages on my answering machine.
One lady in the choir sent me a couple cards.
I didn't answer any of them, not the phone calls or the cards.
I didn't know what to say to them, "Hi, thanks for the call...I'm actually not sure if I believe in God anymore, but thanks for thinking of me."

But, I finally came to the understanding that life without God, just really sucks.  So if He's not really there, or if He's not who I've always believed in Him to be, then I'd rather be happily delusional, then unhappily disbelieving.  So I decided to go to church.  It took a few weeks to get my courage up.  I go to a really, really small church.  It's considered a full house if there are more than 20 people there.  I mean TINY.  So it's not like I could slip in the back pew unnoticed.  I was really nervous.  In fact, I was so nervous that my hands were shaking a little as I entered the sanctuary.

But here's what made this all good.
I expected to hear, "So where have you been??"
But all I heard this morning was "I'm so glad you're here!" accompanied by rib-crushing hugs from people in the choir.

In fact, I made an elderly man cry.
Twice.
From joy.
I think.
It was his hug that came dangerously close to shattering my ribcage.

So when I left today, I felt good.
I felt wanted.
And needed.
And loved.
And, I think that's all everyone really wants and needs when you come down to it.  We all just want to be wanted, needed and loved.

So, it was a good day.