My, My Miss American Pie

I made pie today.
It was pretty yummy.
Peaches, blackberries, blueberries, a little cinnamon and nutmeg.  Oh, and some sugar.
Just a little bit, along with a whole lot of Splenda.

So it's day two of back-on-track-me.  And it hasn't been too bad of a day.

I survived two church picnics.
I ate within my points (I'm guessing).
And I didn't get so stuffed that I was physically uncomfortable or felt the need to sit around with my skirt unbuttoned, and my shirt covering it up so no one could see.  Not that I've ever done that before...

I did have a very weird experience today, though.  And I'm not sure what to make of it.
I think maybe it had something to do with fiber.
Or something.
It's kinda gross though, so if you want to stop reading now, I'll understand.

You've been warned.

So, I'm at my friend's house for a church picnic, and I feel the urge to "go."  Really, really go.  In fact, my stomach is starting to cramp up quite painfully.  I grab Lily to take her with me, because I didn't want to let her run around unattended and bothering everyone while I spent, what was looking like it was going to be, a considerable amount of time in the bathroom.

Of course, on my way to said restroom, everyone, including my priest, had something very important to say to me, that had to be said right at that particular moment in time.  No one seemed to notice me clenching my butt cheeks teeth together tightly and holding my stomach.  Finally, I got to the restroom and did my bizness.

Unfortunately, it didn't help my tummy feel any better.
So I just sat there, thinking there were...umm...more kids to drop off at the pool, if you know what I mean.
But there weren't.
So I waited.  Still in pain.  And then I realized something odd was happening.

I was getting very hot and clammy all of the sudden.
And I was having trouble catching my breath.
And I started feeling light-headed.
And then the edges of my vision started to blacken...and I realized what was about to happen.

I was going to faint.
Right there.
On the pot.
With my bare ass hitting the floor.

I wasn't about to let that happen if I could help it.
So, while hyperventilating, I quickly cleaned my rear, then sunk to my knees, and barely got my didies up before I collapsed on the floor.  I didn't even bother pulling up my skirt.  It just lay there hugging my ankles.

I hadn't fainted.  But I knew if I didn't get horizontal pronto, I was going to.
And I would rather voluntarily lay down on a bathroom floor than to come crashing down on one unconscious.

Lily thought we were taking a nap, so she laid down on the floor behind me.

It was weird.

I'm still not sure why that happened.

I've only fainted a few times in my life, but they've scared me so badly, that I have remembered the signs.  And though I've usually fainted while standing up, this is actually the second time that I've started to faint while sitting on the crapper.  That's not something everyone can say about themselves.  The first time I nearly fainted was the day after Lily was born and I was trying to take a pee on my own without the catheter.

I really wanted to pee because that was one of the conditions from the doctor to let me out of the hospital I was in to go see Lily (who was in the NICU of another hospital).  Though I had a huge motivation to let the pee fly, I wasn't able to do it, and I realized then that I was about to faint, and I had to pull on the little I'm-in-trouble-while-sitting-on-the-shitter-emergency-string.

The three nurses who came to save me were pretty put out that I'd tried so hard and waited so long to ask for help.  When they got there, I begged them to let me lie down on the bathroom floor, but they must have thought was a little unsanitary, or they just didn't want to have to haul my hefty ass off the floor because they made me walk all the way back to my bed, with me hyperventilating all the way.  I know, totally rude, right?

But today there was no string to pull, and I didn't exactly want anyone coming in to see my lying on the floor with my polka dotted panties barely up and over my butt with Lily lying down beside me, playing with my hair.  I just waited until my breathing slowed down, and I felt a little clearer-headed before I got up.

So, that's the weird, random happening for today.

I know it has absolutely nothing to do with weight loss.

I just thought I'd share.  Aren't you lucky?

And after I got up and moving around, I felt fine.  I came home and took a nap, and went back out for another church picnic this evening, without suffering through the awkwardness in the bathroom.

Totally weird.
Totally random.
And totally a good reason to put on clean didies every day, just like your momma taught you to.