So NOT the way to lose weight

Today at church I had a little surprise.
Not a good surprise.
A very, very, very bad surprise.

Oh, I can't believe I'm even sharing this with you.
If anyone laughs at me for this, I'll be sad forever.
So don't make my heart sad.

I was sitting down on the floor, changing Lily's diaper, when I felt the need to....how do we say it delicately?...pass some air, shall we say.  It felt like a tiny little fart that needed to escape, so I gave a little squeeze, expecting a little "Tuft!" and brief moment of release.  However, I released more than I intended.  Much, much more.

Unbeknownst to me, my intestines were all tied in knots of ickyness and stomach-flu likeness.

So after my little "Tuft!" there was also a little....ahem.....moisture.  I ran to the bathroom as fast as I could, but I was too late.  The Hershey squirts had already spilled out onto my panties and were soaking through my pants.  I think I went 5 times in a hour, before I finally left to go home (with my coat tied around my waist of course).

Now I'm feeling pretty yucky.  Pretty pukey, though I haven't vomited.  I just have the other end to worry about.  But I've been wondering what was coming on.

For the last 4 days I've had intense feelings of dizziness.  On Thursday I nearly fell off the elliptical at the gym, and on Friday I nearly fell down in class several times before grabbing onto a wall or a desk to keep me steady.  It's been very weird.  I have extremely good balance (my doctor even told me so!), so it's not like me to just get dizzy and lose my balance.  I wonder if I have the stomach flu, and it's been building up for the past few days.  If it is, and if it has, and if I've touched, coughed near, or breathed on you, I apologize profusely.

Hopefully it's just a stomach bug and will be gone tomorrow.  I seriously DO NOT want to write out another set of substitute teacher plans.  They're so much work, and I don't really feel up to it.  I'm honestly not sure which is worse: writing sub plans or having the Hershey squirts.