I'm MOOOOOVIN' OVER, BESSIE!

I'm moving over to a new site!  I've finally taken the plunge to a self-hosted, WordPress blog, with my own domain, so I won't be adding posts to this site any longer.

Instead, you join all the hilarity and exercise-induced angst over at www.FatGirlDancing.com

Great URL, right?  Yeah, I know.

Getting off the Holiday Weight

I've finally done it.  I have officially gotten off all the extra weight I put on over the holidays, and have kept it off for a couple of weeks now.  Woo hoo!  Take that, all you second helpings of pumpkin pie!

I tried not to let myself get in the mindset that I wasn't going to count points over the holidays and just let go of all my good intentions.  I tried to stay true to the program.  And for the most part, I did.  I made it through both Halloween and Thanksgiving without gaining.  But Christmas, then Christmas part deux (you know, the next day when you eat all the leftovers) and then New Years all ganged up on me.  And they brought Chex Mix.  Yummy, yummy Chex Mix.  I can sometimes pass up cookies, pie and cake, but Chex Mix will get me EVERY time.  Damn you, Chex Mix.  Damn you.

So, all the damage has officially been undone, and I'm well into "virgin fat" territory now (well, "virgin fat" for this round of Weight Watchers at least).  I've lost about 45 pounds since the day I gave birth to baby Elsy.  I'm so glad to be 45 pounds lighter than I was when I started this journey, but I'm frustrated with myself for taking so long to get here.  It's been nearly 8 months since I first started.  I've gone through so many times of being so on the ball for a few weeks, to then take a month off to goof around and gain back half of what I've lost. 

But, 2013 is a new year.  Although we're already well into this new year, the newness of it hasn't worn off of me yet.  I've declared 2013 to be my year to make impossible goals, and to surpass what I thought possible and actually reach those crazy goals.  I'm on my way!  I've lost 10.2 pounds since January 5.  That's no small potatoes!!  That's half of a bag of potatoes, actually.  Another 8.2 pounds and I'll be back down to my pre-Elsy weight.  Then I'll start focusing on my pre-Lily weight, another 10 pounds down to 232.  One I hit that weight, I'll be the smallest I've ever been in my adult life.  Yiii!  That's exciting.  I have a couple pair of pants just waiting to bust out of my closet once I hit that weight.

I've actually been able to liberate a few pairs of slacks from the bowels of my closet lately.  That's always a good feeling, to be able to go shopping in your own closet and find smaller sizes that fit.  Thanks to my new Zumba purchase, I think I'll be able to liberate even more pretty soon.  Zumba kicks butt, even the Wii variety.  I've been having fun, yes, FUN, playing Zumba at home.  I try to challenge myself to get these stupid little Zumba stars for doing a move right.  So far, I'm a Zumba master, getting almost all the stars I possibly can for each song.  There are a few songs that still trick me up, and I can't seem to get my feet move the right direction at the right time, but other than that, I feel like a rock star - in my living room. 

On the days that I get to speed walk around the playground while doing recess duty, along with doing Zumba at home, I can earn up to 6-7 activity points.  That's awesome!  But I learned today that Weight Watchers considers someone who earns 1-11 Weekly Activity Points as sedentary.  A person who earns 12-24 points in a week is only Moderately Active, and a person who earns more than 24 points in a week is Very Active.  Yikes!  Since I've bought the Activity Monitor, I'm usually getting at least 12 points a week, and sometimes up to 20.  I'm glad to know I'm at least Moderately Active, but now I want to bump it up and be thought of a Very Active person.  So there's my next goal, to get 24+ Activity Points in a week.  Keep your fingers crossed for me!!

Are you reaching your health goals so far?  If so, what are you doing?  If not, what changes are you going to make to get yourself on track?

Are You Ready to Move It, Move It?

I do have moves like Mick Jagger.  Not the good ones, though.

I've been struggling for awhile now - let's say, oh, about six months - with how to get more active.  This past summer I was doing fan-flippin'-tastic after Elsy, baby #2, was born.  I was stepping out to the mall every day and doing the mall cruise with the AARP crowd.  It was pretty good.

And then school started back up, and with working late, and increasing my daily commute to an hour, all my exercise fell quickly to the wayside.

I tried to get up earlier and work out before waking up the kids.  I tried that briefly.  I think it lasted all of 2 days.  I thought about getting another gym membership and trying to hot step it out of the house as soon as I got home from work, but honestly, the moment I step inside the house at night, I know I'm not going back out for anything.

So, I've been struggling.  It's been tough to find my way out of this exercise limbo.

Thank you, Weight Watchers, for coming up with something to give me a little kick in the tush and get me moving again.

WW has a new toy called the "ActiveLink."  It's a little device that clips onto your clothes or can be worn on a necklace, and monitors how much activity you've achieved that day.  It's like a pedometer.  On steroids.  It's freaking awesome!  And it has really helped me to get my butt in gear.

The first week of having it, you don't do any extra activity at all, and it spends the week creating a baseline measurement of how much activity you normally participate in on a given day.  Then, the second week you start adding in more and more activity, and after you've reached your baseline target, you start to earn activity points on the Weight Watchers website.

It's pretty stinking cool.  It also sets a challenge for you to reach a desired amount of activity points in 12 weeks.  When you reach your daily goal, it does a mini light show for you.

Because it records my movement all day long, I have allowed myself to be more active in short bursts.  I do more "energy bursts" along with my students than I did previously.  I take the stairs more often if I can.  And I even do laps around the playground while I'm doing my recess duty - which has the added benefit of making me more aware of what's going on around the playground.  When I get home from work, I've been pulling out the Wii and doing Just Dance and the Wii Fit.  I tell Lily that Mommy gets to play the Wii first for 20 minutes, and then it's her turn.  So, I get to exercise while Koichi makes dinner, Elsy chills in her bouncer or playpen, and Lily reads books.  Pretty stinkin' awesome.

I've been at it now for about two weeks.  I think I'm going to get a new Wii game.  I'm having a hard time deciding between Zumba and Just Dance 4.  What do you think?  Which would you pick?

Are you getting in activity?  What are you doing to stay active?

2013 - The Year of the Beast

Okay, now that I've written the subject line, I see how very end of the world, too much literal translation of Revelations, happy, happy days of armageddon it is.

That wasn't my intention.

Instead...well, I've declared 2013 to be my year.

This is MY year.  You can share it if you want, but just know that This. Is. My. Year.

My year to become on the outside who I am in the inside.

Because on the inside I am beautiful, successful, sexy and just damn amazing.

So this is the year that I allow my exterior to reflect my interior.

2013 is my year to achieve unbelievably lofty goals.  I'm okay with that.  Because I'm a beast.  And this is my year.

If You're a Failure and You Know it Clap Your Hands!

So, two weeks down the drain now with nothing to show for them.  I have 2 more weeks to actually get my tuchus in gear and get losing weight.

I know what my problem is.
I'm very aware of it.

1.  Not tracking.
2. Not exercising.
3. Not staying within my Points.

So, if I would just, you know, DO THE PROGRAM, I think I may see some different results.

I'm not sure who it is that I'm trying to fool.  It seems like I'm trying to play some game, and beat the odds.  The thing is, I'm not playing Blackjack, and The House isn't Weight Watchers - it's my own body, and no matter what, the House always wins.

Okay, I have to admit, I'm not sure where that metaphor is going anymore.  I'm just saying, I can't fool my own body.  I might be thinking that I'm beating Weight Watchers, or my little weight tracker, but I'm not playing the game with Weight Watchers.  I'm playing against myself.  And I'm losing.  Or well, not losing, as the case may be.

It's late.
As you can no doubt tell.

So here's the point:
If I want to do this, really do this, then here is what I need to do:

1) Track my points.
2) Get some exercise.  Even just 10 minutes.  Surely I can spare at least 10 minutes!
3) Stay in your daily and weekly Points.

You know, just DO THE PROGRAM!

Ewww....moist.

Would you like to hear a disgusting story?
And I mean really, really nasty.
If you have a genteel disposition, you may want to stop reading here, and go look at some more cat pictures on Facebook.

I mean it.

Okay, I'm taking a deep breath here, because this disgusting story is about me, and I'm about to be very honest and vulnerable here, and I'm risking the chance of being laughed at, which, of course, is not all that fun to live through.

So, here's my story.

Last week I got an awful stomach virus.
Really awful.
It caused things to shoot out both ends of me, kind of awful.
Yeah, and that's not even the disgusting part, that's just a fact.
So, this happened on a Friday, which meant I got to stay home from school (yea!), and go to the doctor (not so yea) and barf in hallway trashcan while being wheeled into his office because I couldn't even walk (yuck).
Well, Friday was going to be my lesson planning day at school, and since I couldn't be there, I decided to go in to school on Saturday and do some work.  By that time, the meds the doctor had given me had started to work their magic, and I was much less....um....shall we say, combustable?  Or so I thought....

Get ready, the really gross part is coming up, and you're not gonna want to miss it.

So, I'm sitting at my computer, typing away, when I feel some rumblin' in my tummy, and it feels like I'm getting gassy.  I feel the urge to release some of said gas, and not really paying attention because I'm so focused on my work, I go ahead and let a fart slide on out.

That's not the only thing that slid out.

2.3 seconds later I have sprinted my way out of the classroom, down the hall, and into the restroom.

But the damage was done.

Now, I had a choice to make.  I could either continue to crap my pants, or I could clean myself up and remember not to fart for the rest of the day.

Of course, I chose the latter.  Who wouldn't right?

But here's something else that's disgusting me lately:
When I have an accident with my eating, instead of cleaning myself up and getting back on track and reminding myself not to do that again, I go ahead and let loose, crapping all over my hard work by binging or just not being careful with what I put in my mouth.

When am I going to learn that this mess that is my my overweight body doesn't have to stay like this?

When am I finally going to get it?


This afternoon I put together our family monthly budget.  We try to itemize everything that we spend money on, and save money for.  This line stuck out to me like a sore thumb, or something that really sticks out a lot...
Weight Watchers  $40/month

I realized I'm actually paying $40 a month to NOT do the Weight Watchers program.  I've actually been paying to fail.  How incredible stupid is that?  I wouldn't do that with other things.  I don't pay $40/month to NOT use my cell phone.  Or $100/month to pour water down the drain without using it.  Why in the (insert your favorite expletive here) am I paying $40/month if I'm not going to follow the program?  That just does not make any sense at all.

So, I told myself to either get on Program, or get the (again, insert expletive here) out!
I have one month to get my butt in gear and on Program, or I'm pulling the financial plug.  There's no reason to be paying $480 every year to NOT be losing weight.

Limits

I suffer from an odd sort of dichotomy.

On one hand, I have what I call I-can-do-that-itus, where I see something someone has done and think "I can do that!"  (hence the name of this very serious, and sometimes debilitating, illness).

Maybe it's something crafty, like making cards and scrapbooks.
Or baking, like making gourmet sugar cookies.
Or like right now, where it's writing a novel.

I figure if other people have done it, then I must be able to do it, too.  Can't be all that hard, right?
This condition, I-can-do-that-itus, has allowed me to experience things other people haven't, and probably wouldn't even try.

Learn a new language?  I can do that!
Live in a foreign country for a few years?  I can do that!
Start a couple part-time businesses in my ever-shrinking spare time?  I can do that!
Get up early everyday to write a novel?  I can do that!
Sometimes it seems like there's no limit to what I will at least attempt to do.


Lose weight and become the healthy and thin person I want to be?  I can....do that?


It's funny how I can be so confident on one hand, but be so insecure on the other.

And it's not just with losing weight.  There are certain things about being the fat girl that constantly keep me feeling limited in what I think I can do.

For example...

I never wear sleeveless shirts outside of the house, because I feel embarrassed about how my upper arms look.

I would never EVER wear a tucked in shirt.  Or even a shortish shirt.  All shirts must cover the belly rolls.

Horizontal stripes are of the devil, and I would never think of wearing them.

So, too, are swimsuits without a little skirt to hide my thigh fat.

Even some colors, patterns, and clothing styles are off limits because I'm afraid they'll draw too much attention to myself.  (Koichi noticed this right away when we got married.  He asked why my wardrobe was so "dark" and consisted mostly of shades of black and dark blue.  I've gotten a little looser about this over the past 9 years, but not all that much.)


How odd.  It seems like I'm saying, "Hey guys, look at me!" and then following up with "But don't look too hard, because I'm afraid of what you'll see."  Weird.

All of this came to mind today while I was at the pool with Lily.  While she was jumping around and diving in the water, I was mesmerized with a little people watching.  Not only do I put limits on myself, but I guess I put limits on what I consider "acceptable" from other people as well.

I noticed I was thinking things like Wow, that swimsuit is super cute!  on someone who was skinny, but then thinking Girl, that is way too much skin and too little fabric! on someone who wasn't so thin.  I started to feel judgy judgy after awhile, and realized that I was forcing my limits, my ideas on what was acceptable and not, on people I didn't even know.

So I stopped.
I told myself to stop being so judgy, and to stop limiting people to my ideals, because really, who am I to judge anyone.

Now, I see that I have some work cut out for me, trying to stop judging and limiting myself.
I hope as I continue to lose weight and be more healthy, I'll start to really believe in myself, and not limit myself so much.

However, I must say that bikinis really should not be available in a size 18.
Oh, bad Dorian!  Stop that!!